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Mark my words: A love/hate relationship
WISHING FOR A HAPPY ENDING TO NANNY DRAMASWords Ika KrismantariMost parents with nannies have experienced what I call the "nanny drama"âa parenting episode when the world turns upside down because your caretaker, for want of a better phrase, is acting up
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WISHING FOR A HAPPY ENDING TO NANNY DRAMAS
Words Ika Krismantari
Most parents with nannies have experienced what I call the "nanny drama"'a parenting episode when the world turns upside down because your caretaker, for want of a better phrase, is acting up.
I had such an incident recently. My nanny is a 40-year-old woman from Sukabumi, West Java. When she first came into my home, she introduced herself as teteh (big sister in Sundanese), although her name was Lies.
Teteh has been with me for years. Before, she helped me take care of my first child. Now, she has returned to the family to help with my second born.
A hard worker and diligent, teteh also has a flair for babysitting. My babies usually stop crying when Teteh carries them, which might be for hours.
She is a pretty good nanny and that is why we hired her again. But working with her is not a walk in the park.
My recent drama began when teteh asked for leave to return to her hometown. The sudden request was made not once but twice at a time when I needed her the most.
However, we granted her leave, despite the risk of being nanny-less for an indefinite time.
Fortunately, after weeks of uncertainty, the drama ended well with teteh returning and agreeing to not leave like that again.
Yet, not all nanny dramas end with the family living happily ever after.
My friend's drama with her nanny/maid did not go as smoothly.
The climax was when my friend cried in front of her employee, asking 'Who is really the boss?' As the nanny always refused to take her orders.
Yet, my friend still hired the nanny back, despite her stubbornness, because there was no other option.
Nanny dramas can really cause headaches and stress for parents. We also hear of horror stories of nannies abusing their employers' children'or how they take advantage of their bosses' absences to steal valuables.
How can we avoid nanny dramas? That's easy: Just don't hire one.
The thought crossed my mind to give my children to their grandparents, like many other nanny-less parents do.
But I don't want to cause my parents more trouble. They've already had their fair share, taking care of my sisters and me.
Now, it's time for them to enjoy days free from diapers and baby vomit. Meanwhile, day care is not an option due to my unpredictable schedule. That's why I decided to hire a nanny.
Another reason? I guess I am just another Indonesian middle-class brat who decided to hire someone to take care of her children while I'm busy pursuing a career and indulging in some 'me' time. So, this is just my karma.
My nanny dramas are part of a tumultuous relationship between me and teteh .
Sometimes I love her for assisting my parenting duties; sometimes I hate her for certain things'yet I can't afford to lose her, because finding a good nanny can be a mission impossible.
We are facing a nanny crisis, another friend said.
There are not many good caretakers on the market. I know a neighbor who has to change nannies every two months. So once you think you get a good nanny, you stick with her and engage in a love/hate relationship.
The bright side is this relationship won't last forever. I won't need a nanny when the kids are bigger. However, I still have to make this work in the short term for the sake of my children.
To make things work, like in any relationship, respect and trust are required. In my case, I respect teteh's rights to have days off and bonuses. I also trust her. I can't imagine giving my babies to someone that I don't trust.
I also consider teteh only as a substitute for my parenting duties. Feeding my children, changing their diapers, taking them to shower, reading them stories and putting them to sleep are still my main responsibility. Teteh takes control only when I am away. I hope this arrangement will lessen the trauma of any nanny drama.
So, dear parents, keep calm and do your parental chores despite the nanny dramas.
We can survive and, hopefully, our children will have a happy ending.
Mark My Words shifts focus between food, fashion, parenting and travel each week.
