(A. Kurniawan Ulung)

For author Adhitya Mulya, parenting is not a black-and-white issue.

The auditorium in Jakarta fell silent as author Aditya Mulya read his story. His voice quavered and he occasionally wept, but he did not stop reading. Only after he finished did long and loud applause flood the hall.

“This novel reminds me of my parents,” said Adhitya, holding his book, Sabtu Bersama Bapak (Saturday with Dad), which is about a father who makes videos containing his advice to his sons because he wants them not to lose their father figure after cancer takes his life.

Published in 2014, the novel is about parenting and recently, in March this year, publisher Panda Media released his new book, Parent’s Stories, written based on his parenting experiences and those of his friends.

Parent’s Stories is the product of his hobby — telling stories, both verbal and written. “I am not crazy about writing because that is just a medium for my hobby,” says Adhitya, who has written seven books since 2002.

The stories that he loves to share are things that he faces in life. Like Sabtu Bersama Bapak, Parent’s Stories is about his restlessness as a father.

Since his first son was born in 2006, Adhitya has been overshadowed by parenting-themed questions like: “Can I be a good father?”, “Am I teaching the right things to my children?” and “Will they be capable of solving their own problems in the future?”

The civil engineering graduate of Bandung Institute of Technology (ITB) is not a psychologist by training, but such questions leave him curious. He therefore observes everything related to parenting.

“I read a lot of parenting books,” says the father-of-two, who also shares his parenting stories in the blog suamigila.com.

The result of his anxiety is the 186-page Parent’s Stories that took him three years to complete. The book contains not only parenting theories, quoted from other books, but also his and his friends’ experiences that he really wants to share with readers.

He recalled when he visited his son’s elementary school in Jakarta, where his classmates in the first grade were already talking about shoe brands, the smartphones they use to play games at home and the cars their parents drive.

Adhitya did not blame the students for discussing such topics at a very young age. But, he told his son that wealth and property did not determine dignity – that going to school by luxury car was not necessarily better than by bus or train – a piece of advice aimed at boosting his son’s confidence amid a simple life.

“Our dignity is within ourselves,” he said.

In another case, he finds parents who compare their children to others, something no adult would like.

For example, when children receive bad grades at school, their parents should not add fuel to the fire by comparing them with their classmates who get better grades.

According to parenting book Hearing is Believing by Elisa Medhus, quoted by Aditya in his book, parents should be their children’s friends – instead of making comparisons that will put pressure on their relationship, the parents should listen and then they should team up to solve problems.

He said parenting, as disclosed in How to Raise an Adult written by Julie Lythcott-Haims, is a lifelong learning process and parents need to avoid “helicopter parenting”, in which they intervene in the lives of their adult children who can stand on their own two feet.

Parents apply helicopter parenting because they still think that they know what’s best for their children, such as the job they should take, school or department they should choose at universities, the partner they should marry and all that.

“Giving advice to children is necessary, but let them live their own lives,” he said.

Adhitya never believes in right or wrong parenting because every parent has different styles. “Good or bad is also relative,” he said.

He did not write Parent’s Stories to show what a great father he is or how superior are his parenting skills. “In life, there are a thousand ways to raise children. Each parent has a different story and I just want to share my stories.”

In Sabtu Bersama Bapak, Adhitya tells a story about his father’s different parenting methods.

The book will be made into movie, directed by Monty Tiwa and starring Acha Septriasa, Arifin Putra and Abimana Aryasatya. It is slated for release later this year.

In 2006, director Hanung Bramantyo adapted another of Adhitya’s novels, Jomblo (Single), into a movie, starring actors Ringgo Agus Rahman, Christian Sugiono, Dennis Adhiswara and Rizky Hanggono.

The two books, which have been reprinted over 20 times, have received positive responses from readers and have become bestsellers.

Adhitya hopes his latest book will also be a success, promising something different on parenting styles that people rarely discuss. “The target of this book is young parents or newly married couples,” he said.

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