W

hen I felt a severe pain in my chest at the office earlier this month, my heart-patient colleague accompanied me to the nearby Harapan Kita Cardiac Hospital in West Jakarta.

He had a heart surgery several years ago, but then decided to stop taking further medication, and carries on smoking. I think all doctors laugh at his decision, but so far he is still very healthy.

I did not worry much about my health. Several years ago, I drove to St. Carolus Hospital from my office at midnight and fainted as soon I arrived there. Doctors decided to lift my bladder.

My friend did try his best to convince me that nothing was wrong with my health, and, with an innocent expression, he added that even when the worst happened, “I think there is a chance, no matter how small it is, for you to go to Heaven.” How about hell?

While waiting for the doctor, I calculated the plusses and minuses of my own deeds. I faithfully practice my faith as a Catholic, but to be honest it has little impact on my daily behavior and deeds.

I still remember a Sunday sermon when the priest asked the churchgoers to check which part of their body was the biggest source of sin for them.

“Check your hands, your head, your eyes, your nose, your mouth for instance,” he said. Until now, I am very confident which part of my body will be most helpful in sending me to Hell. Sorry, I can’t disclose it here.

But you can also try it. There are some parts of the body which you never hesitate to share with others, but perhaps there is at least one part which you want to keep just for yourself?

One thing I know, I won’t be punished because of corruption or violence because I have never had the chance to commit such a lovely crime. I am just a chicken-hearted man, who will never have the guts to commit a crime that demands strong courage.

Anyway, just before the nurse called my name, another friend sent me a touching (teasing) SMS, “Don’t worry, I have asked our friends to practice your favorite song Sailing…… just in case….”

Another friend told me later that she checked Youtube as soon she knew about my health problem, and found the legendary Rod Stewart crooning Sailing into the cybersphere.

I repeatedly — for years — have told my wife and our three children, I wish them to sing the song at my funeral with a small chamber orchestra. I also wish the other mourners (some of them hopefully saddened by my death) to perform the song.

To prove my seriousness, I have taken out a life insurance policy, which will be more than enough to cover the cost of my funeral ceremonies.

“What if we do not act out your wishes?” My beloved daughter once asked me. She just laughed when I replied, “I will tickle you from my grave.”

I also made the same threat to friends when I convey my “last wish” to them. They may laugh now, but I hope they will be too afraid to ignore my message after my death.

Why am I attracted to that song? Just read some of the lyrics.

“I am sailing, I am sailing/ Home again cross the sea/ I am sailing, stormy waters/To be near you, to be free/

“I am flying, I am flying/Like a bird cross the sky/I am flying, passing high clouds/ To be with you, to be free.

I especially hope that my daughter will tearfully recite the last part of the song: “Oh Lord, to be near you, to be free/Oh Lord, to be near you, to be free/Oh Lord.

My boss stared at me when I asked him to act as “my eulogist” when I die. I know it is very hard for him — which is very understandable — to recite few good things about me as his subordinate. But he still has enough time to prepare a nice eulogy about me later. How if he fails? Tickling threat!

In my Batak tradition, funeral services are often costly and tiring. Relatives and friends apparently feel guilty if they do not deliver prolonged speeches to demonstrate their sadness in front of the coffin. But when the corpse was still alive perhaps they had little interest in him/her?

Will I go to Heaven or to Hell after I die? My wife always believes all people will go to Heaven because God loves us all.

I never try to ask her which part of her body will help her to go to heaven. But how should I reply when one day she raises the same question to me?

— Kornelius Purba