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n the first working Monday of 2018, the world was talking about the decision of many actresses to wear black for the 2018 Golden Globe Awards gala to highlight the problems of sexual harassment and abuse in Hollywood and beyond. Many celebrities wore “Time’s Up” pins to show support for the initiative to fight sexual violence, especially against lower-income women.

Besides taking along fellow actresses as their date for the night, some actresses also invited activists such as Tarana Burke (who started the #MeToo movement) and hospitality unions’ leaders Saru Jayaraman and Ai-jen Poo.

Meanwhile, in Indonesia, many have been disturbed by online memes promoting marriage at a young age and even polygamy. There are also memes blaming modern women for making dating and marriage more difficult for men. The postings are not professionally made but seem fairly popular, and it’s unsettling when one’s own family member, supervisor or childhood friend also shares them.

Indonesians usually sigh, saying things like, “Other countries have already done explored space, and here we are still fussing about marriage.” But it’s the same story in other countries. India, often portrayed positively as an Asian leader in information technology and space projects, is also home to the most active “Men’s Rights Movement” in Asia, which argues that it’s women who oppress men. China actively suppresses feminism and conversation surrounding sexual assaults, offline and online.

Even in the West, racists argue that the refusal of (white) women to settle down in marriage leads to “white genocide,” where the white population dwindles while migrants continue to multiply. Whether in Indonesia or the United States, conspiracy theorists believe Jews conspire to promote sexual liberalism — from women’s empowerment to gay rights — to decrease both marriage and childbirth, hence weakening the nation.

In Indonesia, the marriage memes have strong religious overtones. Although distributed mostly among Muslims, some that don’t explicitly discuss Islamic concepts are also widely shared among Christians, including in retreats and seminars. Those memes are not only spread by clerics or seniors, but also by qualified psychologists, academics and youth leaders.

Frustrated by such memes, it’s easy to label the creators and their disseminators as stupid, because it seems stupid to compare women’s virginity with wrapped candy, or saying that women who don’t want to look beautiful deserve lazy men.

The memes, however, are not made by stupid people for stupid people. They are made by devious people for devious people.

It is easy for us to be duped by fake news not only because it is easily produced and distributed, but also because fake news confirms our prejudices and stereotypes. It is common for people from all political spectrums to share a social media status update or a blog post to confirm their political views, rather than sharing an article from a reputable media outlet. Sometimes people even deride news from established media as “fake news” if the piece does not conform to their perspective.

The memes on marriage are examples of fake news gone rabid, and people like them because they tell stories that many of us want to hear: Highly educated women are unhappy. The modern world is hostile to men. Life was simpler and better in the past. They share the public disdain for modern society, for democratization of media (where minorities can appear and voice their views) and for activism. The marriage memes are resistance against “Time’s Up.”

Noor Huda Ismail, a researcher and activist, recently found a link between radicalism and masculinity anxiety. Many middle-class men with bachelor’s degrees were drawn into radicalism because they believed it would recover and enhance their sense of masculinity, following failed marriage, failed enterprises and the nervousness of living in cosmopolitan Indonesia, where people from different backgrounds are visible. The radical groups, whether the defunct Islamic State (IS) or local groups, promise comradeship, hierarchy and masculinity.

One doesn’t have to be a religious chauvinist to deride the “Time’s Up” message. Some film commentators here moaned that the #MeToo movement and the drive for more inclusion in movies have traded cinematic purity for political correctness. Some fashion enthusiasts said the black dresses made a boring red-carpet event, and actresses should stop playing activist. They might dislike the marriage memes, but they don’t see the importance of “Time’s Up” either.

The ongoing conflict between a progressive world and a traditionalist world will continue in 2018. On one side, you have women wishing for an end to sexual harassment and the pay gap, queer people wishing for acceptance and religious and ethnic minorities wishing for tolerance. On the other hand, you have religious and racial majorities wishing to retain their privilege and numbers, men believing that the workplace belongs to them and young men believing that arts and entertainment have to cater to their tastes.

Both sides are divided into several factions, and in the middle, you have people confused by all the terms, issues and complexity. Over time, some people are
influenced by messages spread by conservative memes, some others come to understand the view of the marginalized communities — while for most people, the issue is unlikely relevant to their lives.

Even for some people, “Time’s Up” did not do enough at the Golden Globes. Wearing black didn’t change anything, the actresses were still privileged people and still too many men got free pass. For others, the initiative at least got the global conversation going on sexual harassment, and the black outfits were just opening salvos for more action.

If you support “Time’s Up,” what can you do to fight the marriage memes? You may contradict them at the risk of fighting your family, friends and superiors. You might open a conversation on why you think those memes are wrong, and hope that someone will listen and think. It’s a long and painful road to take, but the time is up for bigotry to stay on its course.
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