Feminism has helped women attain some rights unimaginable in the past, including the right to work in the public space and the right to political participation. And yet, society’s enduring patriarchal values seem to give women no respite. They still have to work harder and be tougher to earn the same respect that their male colleagues get.

To navigate this kind of terrain, women need extra strength and resilience compared to their male counterparts.

How to achieve this is the topic of a new book by American psychotherapist, lecturer and writer Amy Morin. Specifically addressing women, 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do is the latest title in a series by the same author. Published in December 2018 through Harper Collins, the book’s release was timely, coinciding with the #MeToo movement that was gaining traction in the US.

Her debut title, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do (also Harper Collins), published in 2014 for a general audience, made it to the bestselling lists of USA Today and the Wall Street Journal. The book has been translated into 33 languages, making it an international bestseller in several countries.

Then she returned with a spin-off on the series in 2017, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, which offers tips for parents on how to navigate tough times in rearing their children.

“Then, I decided to turn my attention to women. Too often, we picture Navy SEALs or male athletes as being the epitome of mental toughness. I wanted to show that strength comes in many forms. I wanted to address the pressures and challenges women face in today’s world as well as the strategies women can use to become the best version of themselves,” Morin says on her website.

In writing her books, Morin combines the theoretical and technical acumen she has acquired as a psychotherapist with real-life stories and experiences she encountered through her therapy clients. Then, she infers the “13 things” out of her rich experience as both a psychotherapist and university lecturer.

What is mental strength and why define it based on what people do not do instead of what they do? The answer to that question leads back to the reason Morin became an author in the first place. “I am a psychotherapist turned an ‘accidental’ author,” she says.

At the age of 23, Morin thought she had her life figured out. She had just finished grad school, bought herself a house and landed her first big job as a therapist. Then her beloved mother passed away suddenly due to brain aneurysm. Three years later, her husband Lincoln passed away due to a heart attack.

Soon after getting married to her current husband, Steve, Amy had to endure yet another loss, as her beloved father-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer and eventually died. “During really tough times, good habits just aren’t enough. It took only one or two habits to hold you back,” she says in her TEDx Talk called The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong.

She often points out in various interviews that, in order to cultivate physical health, regular exercise just wasn’t enough; you also had to give up eating junk food. Analogous to that, in order to maintain your mental health, you need good habits, such as keeping a gratitude journal but also getting rid of bad habits, such as resenting other people’s success or feeling sorry for yourself.

To help herself get through yet another loss in her life, Morin wrote a blog post called 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do – outlining the bad mental habits people need to get rid of to achieve prime mental strength – which unexpectedly went viral. Harper Collins offered Morin a chance to publish a book on that topic. And the rest is history.

Her books offer readers doable and practical mental exercises to catch themselves when they start engaging in counterproductive mental habits to become mentally stronger day by day.

Her latest book for women also came into being as the result of many questions from her female readers as to how they could get rid of their bad mental habits.

Due to society’s enduring sexism and gender- biased socialization, there are several counterproductive mental habits specific to women that might not affect their male counterparts as much due to male privilege.

Here are the 13 things mentally strong women do not do, according to Morin’s latest book:

* They don’t compare themselves to other people

* They don’t insist on perfection

* They don’t see vulnerability as a weakness

* They don’t let self-doubt stop them from reaching their goals

* They don’t overthink everything

* They don’t avoid tough challenges

* They don’t fear breaking the rules

* They don’t put others down to lift themselves up

* They don’t let others limit their potential

* They don’t blame themselves when something goes wrong

* They don’t stay silent

* They don’t feel bad about reinventing themselves

* They don’t downplay their success

Sounds familiar, huh? If you are a woman, you might find yourself engaging in one of these habits due to society’s unrealistic expectations that women do it perfectly, do it quietly and to never let anyone see them sweat. Not to mention women’s double burden, handling labor in the workplace but also at home, if you have a family.

The point about not staying silent about sexual harassment and abuse in the workplace is also a relevant one, a nod to so many women who break their silence about sexual abuse through the #MeToo movement.

Morin, however, is also mindful of the perils that can befall women who speak up about sexual harassment or violence in the workplace. Therefore, she sympathetically said in her book that postponing speaking up when it was too dangerous to do so was also a sign of mental strength, while advising the women who could not speak up yet to find other avenues to shelter themselves from the sexual violence they had to endure in the workplace.

Morin has heard encouraging stories on how the book has helped some women readers.

“I heard from a teacher who said the book influenced the way she addresses the students in her class. She wants to empower every student to reach their greatest potential, and the book helped her [identify] subtle ways she might be encouraging unhealthy habits in her students,” Morin tells The Jakarta Post in an email interview.

“I also heard from a woman who had failed a licensing exam that was necessary for her career. She read my book and practiced the exercises. She said building mental strength gave her the courage and confidence to take the test again – and she passed.”

According to Morin, she also heard from men who were open enough to understand their female peers’ specific issues by reading the book.

“I’ve heard [responses] from a fair amount of men [who have read the book], as well. Some of them tell me they can relate to many of the issues in the book. Others tell me it has given them insight into how to support the women in their lives,” Morin says.

One question remains, though: What does Morin do to maintain her mental strength to proceed with her abundant activities as a psychotherapist, lecturer and writer?

“I spend a lot of time outside. I find nature to be calming and refreshing. I spend a lot of time on our sailboat in the ocean, and I love to run outside,” she says.