Mario Prajna “Tama” Pratama, a trans man from Yogyakarta recalls the first time he opened up about his gender identity. Ten years ago, he told a close friend, only to be met with a dismissive comment regarding how he was trying to “climb the ladder to a higher [social] class.” 

The 32-year-old said that the words of his friend, a woman, hurt and drove him to tears. He felt discredited as a person who had finally found his true self. 

In an environment that Tama thought was increasingly open to gender identity, he saw how being a trans man still came with plenty of stigma and misconceptions. 

Misunderstood

Unlike other members of the LGBTQ community, who already face discrimination and other challenges, the trans men interviewed for this story feel that as a community, they are the least discussed, and therefore least understood by the majority of Indonesians. 

To date, there are only three transmen organizations or communities in Indonesia, Transmen Indonesia (TI), Persatuan Priawan Indonesia (Indonesian Transmen Association) and Trans Men Talk. TI, founded in 2015, is the oldest of the three – showing how young these communities are. 

Findings by TI in their self-published online report Melihat Lebih Dekat Situasi Transpria di Indonesia: Aktualisasi Diri, Tantangan dan Harapan (A Closer Look at the Situation of Transmen in Indonesia: Self-Actualization, Challenges and Hopes), found that the lack of trans men organizations causes reluctance by members of the community to join in on open forums about trans men issues.

This is due to lack of assurance of being in a safe space, and a feeling by some of not having their reasons for staying in the closet understood.

Therapy: Zefan sees a psychiatrist at a clinic in Yogyakarta on Sept. 30, 2021 to help him with his mental turbulance. (JP/Taufan Wijaya) (JP/Taufan Wijaya)

According to Raiz Rizky, the president of Transmen Indonesia, the fact that most trans men were raised from birth as girls contributes to the “invisibility” of trans men in Indonesia. 

"In this patriarchal system, people who are considered women are rarely given space," he said.

He added that being born with female sex characteristics furthers the vulnerability of trans men.  For example, they are vulnerable to rape, such as in the case of rape of a trans man by his own family member with the purpose of “turning” him back into a woman.

Progress

Some attempts to achieve progress on the issue have been made.

One of the earliest public trans men movements in Indonesia was an event called the Transmen Camp, which occurred in 2014. Up until then, transmen gatherings were mostly done under the radar.

There were 11 trans men who signed up for the camp, a “safe space” where they could gather and freely be themselves. The number of participants were limited due to the space available – it having taken place at one of the participants' houses. Participants paid for their own travel and meal expenses. Discussion sessions were facilitated by PLU Satu Hati and Arus Pelangi, both organizations known for fighting for human rights and gender equality. 

More recently, in Aug. 2020, TI held a focus group discussion with 56 trans men participants from 15 regions -- still small, but a significant increase. The participants spoke about issues that they commonly face – everything from bullying, workplace discrimination and religion-based conversion therapies, to open threats from public figures, such as one made by “sharia police” Wilayatul Hisbah in Aceh in 2014 urging the arrests of individuals who wear clothing considered unaligned with their assigned gender at birth.

Toxic environment

Tama, who initiated Transmen Camp 2014, recalls how he witnessed a security guard address a friend of his as they entered a building – “Are you a man or a woman? Let me check!” Such things are common experiences shared by the trans men interviewed for this story. 

Tama’s family did not understand and was unsupportive. His father took him to Catholic cleric with a hope of “healing [his] soul”, Tama said. Such events led Tama to leave his home in Malang, East Java, and live on his own in Yogyakarta, which he did in 2008 when he was 18 years old. 

Early traumatic memories and experiences were also part of Zefan’s life. A chef assistant who was raised in Jakarta, West Java, and then moved to Yogyakarta, in his first year as a freshman in 2014, Zefan was tied and locked up inside his bedroom for three days after his grandmother and uncle found out that he had a girlfriend.

With his mother’s permission, his uncle and grandmother tied Zefan’s wrists and legs using scout rope. On the second day his hands were untied and he was given some chocolate, bread and water. For those three days, Zefan did not go to the bathroom at all. On the third day, his mother came to take him back to Jakarta for a few days.

Trans men experience what is called gender dysphoria – a term first published in 2013 in DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5th edition) by the American Psychiatric Association, to describe the distress experienced by some transgendered persons when they feel a mix-match of their body and mind. To deal with his feelings, occasionally Zefan sees a psychiatrist at a public health center.

Zefan says that “society”, which ironically includes LGBTQ individuals, defines masculinity in a “toxic” way – ascribing certain behaviors and traits that a man is supposed to have.

“The portrayal of how men should behave and look, it bothers me,” Zefan said.

Fear of judgment

For Tama, dealing with administrative requirements is a daunting task. 

“When I lost my ATM card and I had to show my ID card with my birth name to the customer service agent in the bank, that made me very uncomfortable,” Tama said.

In daily life, Tama runs a business that sells LGBT merchandise that he likes to describe as Pride accessories, like pins, stickers and bracelets, through marketplace and social media Instagram. Zefan works as a chef assistant in a cafe.

When Tama and Zefan manage to save enough money after paying their bills, they take gender-affirming hormone therapy which helps align their sex characteristics with their gender identity – to have male physical attributes. Knowing the risks, they undergo these processes without proper medical procedure and doctor assistance, due to the complexity of regulation. They are also unsure about whether the andrologist will welcome trans people openly and warmly.

Business: Tama (right) visits his friend, a trans woman who helps sewing Tama's Pride merchandise on Dec. 15, 2021. (JP/Taufan Wijaya) (JP/Taufan Wijaya)

Trans men purchase these hormone therapies online and figure out their dosage from talking to other trans men. In Zefan's case, he takes one hormone injection once every two weeks. Each injection costs him Rp 115.000 (US$8). 

According to Dr. I Gusti Ngurah Pramesemara, S.Ked., M.Biomed(Repro)., Sp.And. Head of the Andrology and Sexology Team at P2KB IDI Denpasar, the use of testosterone without a physician’s observation is never recommended. Testosterone works not only to grow masculine secondary sexual characteristic such as muscle growth, hair growth and a deeper voice, but it also affects other things such as cardiovascular activities and bone density.

“So if the dose is excessive, more so if it is irregularly given, and the parameters that we have to analyze are not properly monitored, of course it can be dangerous, even life threatening, because one of the things we are afraid of is the effect on the cardiovascular system,” he said. 

For Tama, trans men can only hope that change comes from society and their closest ones. 

“My hope is for better recognition and acknowledgement for us as trans men – [That] our voice is more accounted for, and our rights to access education, decent work and health services are respected, protected and fulfilled,” said Tama.