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friend named Pat once decided to be gender-free, refusing to let us use '€œsexist'€ terms such as '€œhe'€ or '€œshe'€. As a result, referring to Pat always sounded like one was talking about an intelligent dog: '€œThis is my friend Pat, it'€™s going to do Pilates in the gym for an hour, and then I'€™m going to play chess with it.'€ Another problem was deciding how to greet Pat: air-kiss to the cheek as for a girl? Punch to the upper arm as for a guy? Or neck-scratch and doggie-treat?

I was reminded of Pat by a news item. Japanese zookeepers were humiliated recently after spending four years trying to mate a pair of male hyenas, according to a report sent in by a helpful reader. What are the qualifications to be a zookeeper in Japan? Do you just have to like Hello Kitty? I can'€™t imagine what those poor hyenas have gone through. '€œAw geez, here come those blasted zookeepers with the candle light, romantic music and red silk sheets again.'€

 Gender confusion is everywhere. I once met a girl in Hong Kong whose name was He Man.

A reader from India sent me a report about the family of a bachelor who paid a matchmaker a fat fee for a bride, who was duly delivered. After the wedding, the matchmaker explained that the bride had made a vow to never speak, lift her veil or share a bed. Oddly, the bridegroom was okay with this.

A week later, villagers peering into the house through a window, as one does, saw a man putting on a sari and realized the bride was not female at all.

This news also failed to annoy the husband, and the two guys became buddies, reporters said. I strongly suspect there is something the husband has not told his parents.

Anyway, I mentioned Pat'€™s he/she/it challenge to a colleague and was astonished to hear that a right-to-choose-your-pronoun campaign in the West has been wildly successful.

Earlier this year, Washington issued instructions to federal offices telling bosses they must never to refer to a staff member by the biologically correct pronoun if he/she/it has indicated that he/she/it strongly prefers a different pronoun. Major media outlets, including the BBC and CNN, have adopted the same guideline. If a guy says he feels female inside, the '€œshe'€ pronoun must be used in all references.

Indeed, the idea that humans are '€œgender binary'€ (male or female) is a damaging notion maintained by religions to divide and control people, explains campaigner Riki Wilchins.

US academic Anne Fausto-Sterling says there are at least five sexes. I haven'€™t bought her book, but I would guess the five divisions would be something like this: 1) Male, 2) Michael Jackson, 3) Liberace, 4) Ellen DeGeneres, 5) Female.

It'€™s all very confusing. I had always thought that mammals came in two basic flavors, male and female, but now I find I am a religious crank.

Oh well, the good thing about the success of the pronoun choice movement is that it will save unobservant Japanese zookeepers from humiliation.

But I bet they still won'€™t get a baby hyena out of it.