D

ating violence is not unusual but, on campus, where many adolescents meet and date, no one really talks about it.

There is an absence of strong legal protection for victims and many suffer in silence as education institutions — those that don’t pay special attention to the matter — tend not to provide appropriate services.

In her undergraduate thesis, University of Indonesia (UI) School of Law student, Camila Bani Alawia, found that dating violence victims fail to receive adequate protection because both victim and perpetrator remain silent with regard to the matter. When a victim chooses not to expose the violence, the public does not see it as a serious problem.

“Dating violence is often ignored and charging a perpetrator is difficult. The police would likely say, ‘This is only minor battery.’ They would also suggest victim settle the matter privately, between the families,” Camila wrote in her thesis.

Annual data provided by the National Commission on Violence Against Woman (Komnas Perempuan) suggests that dating violence is second most reported incident after spousal domestic violence.
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“Dating violence is often ignored and charging a perpetrator is difficult.”

Last year, there were 11,207 cases of relationship-based abuse cases reported to Komnas Perempuan and its partners nationwide. Sixty percent, or 6,725 reports, involved husbands abusing their wives and 24 percent, or 2,734, involved girlfriends.

However, the data does not represent text-book cases of dating violence.

“Most cases we categorize under the term dating violence actually involve couples of unregistered marriage,” commisioner Indriyati Suparno said. “The type of violence is the same as violence against wives but because the marriage is not registered with the state, we cannot categorise them under the term domestic violence, which has its own law”.

Violence in unregistered marriage cannot be processed using the Eradication of Domestic Violence Law. Komnas Perempuan has prepared a draft law on the eradication of sexual violence, which will broaden the protection of victims to those outside marriage.

“There are dating violence cases. Those reported to us or our partners are usually severe,” she said.

Indriyati said the Criminal Code did not offer much legal protection for dating violence victims.

While universities like UI and Gadjah Mada University (UGM) have begun to offer a counseling service for students, dating violence is not yet considered a serious issue in many Indonesian universities.

In Indonesia, dating violence is often linked to the public’s perception about virginity. Perpetrators first coax their girlfriends into having sex with them, promising to marry the girlfriend and telling them such things as “if you truly loved me, you would have sex with me”.

Having lost her virginity, women often feel obliged to stay in a relationship, thinking that no one would want them without their hymen intact. Many endure years of abuse.

“Now young people use smartphones and abusers tend to use nude photos or videos to threaten their girlfriends,” said Bagia Arif Saputra from New Men Alliance (ALB) and Yayasan Pulih.

Bagia said masculine culture played a big role in dating violence, as it does in domestic violence. Dating, he said, mimics the husband and wife relationship where a man plays the role of “the leader” and a woman takes on the role as follower.

“I have seen cases in which a boyfriend takes the girlfriend’s ATM card to control her finances,” he said.

Bagia said ALB was formed to help eradicate violence against women. “Most men are not abusers. But we are silent majority,” he said. “ALB wants to encourage men to show that men care too, that violence against women is not only a victims’ problem.”