“For stay-at-home moms like myself, social media is a [form of] entertainment. But it can be frightening sometimes,” Jessica told The Jakarta Post by telephone on Tuesday.

With 4,000 followers on her Instagram account, Jessica often receives unsolicited advice or comments from fellow mothers, including strangers.

She said that one of her followers pointed out that her son seemed to have lost weight, which led Jessica to doubt her parenting skills and even feel pressured.

“I was okay when I read the comment. But when I feel tired, it all comes back to me,” she said, “When I see my friend’s chubby baby, I question myself, ‘What should I do with my own child?'."

Jessica is one of the many millennial mothers who feel anxious because of social media.

According to research conducted in 2017 by Doctor on Demand, a San Francisco-based start-up that facilitates quick video consultations with physicians, 44 percent of mothers said they felt anxious or jealous when seeing other mothers’ lives on social media. Among the triggers are monetary status, parenting and overall happiness.

Child psychologist Saskhya Angkapulia Prima said in a #MYBABYMomversity press conference in Central Jakarta on Dec. 5 that such situations occurred frequently in this digital age.  

Saskhya explained that today’s parenting differed from that in the past and technological development was among the reasons, as it allowed people to easily find information through social media.

She also pointed out that the current parenting approach is more child-centered, resulting in different ways of communicating and disciplining children.

“[Mothers] try to balance discipline and emotional [attachment]. They are very thirsty to learn this part,” she said, adding that it made some parents feel trapped in the idea of being “perfect”.

“Many mothers want to do everything without help, hoping that all aspects, including finance, health and children, work well. When they scroll [through social media] timelines, they compare their lives, thinking others have better lives, making them susceptible to [negative] comments,” said Saskhya.

Furthermore, Saskhya also mentioned about mom-shaming and the Paradox of Choice.

The former happens when someone overly criticizes another mother’s way of raising children without knowing the background or context. This, Saskhya said, could cause stress.

Meanwhile, the Paradox of Choice is caused by tons of information available on the internet. While many think more information is a good thing, it can lead to a feeling of confusion for some people.

It can also cause mothers to doubt their parenting styles and frequently change their approaches. When mothers are less confident, children become flustered and their development can be compromised.

Read also: Why social media is boosting your stress

To solve the issues, Saskhya's suggestion for mothers is to learn to manage their emotions.

“Basically, children have a great desire for exploration,” she said, “When our emotional health is not good, it can make us angry.”

“A mother’s mental health is crucial as it influences their daily lives,” she said.

To manage their emotions, Saskhya recommended mothers find ways to calm down, such as taking deep breaths, getting a drink or using aromatherapy.

They are also advised to take some time off from social media or add a greater variety of people they follow on the platforms.

"Don't follow those [who seem] perfect. Try to follow normal people too," she said. 

Aside from all the challenges faced by mothers, Saskhya said that fathers were also prone to dad-shaming, which happens when a mother overly criticizes her partner’s parenting approach.

She said that mothers may tend to worry over small things. On the flip side, it’s harder for fathers to connect with their children.

That being said, Saskhya suggested mothers boost their partner’s confidence by encouraging and giving them the chance to spend time with their children.

With regard to the Paradox of Choice, Saskhya suggested mothers apply the “less is more” principle by following experts.   

“Experts are more experienced and have studied cases for a long time, so they know the characteristics of each problem,” she said.

Jessica happens to follow the less is more principle. When she wanted to introduce solid food to her baby, Jessica followed pediatrician Meta Hanindita on Instagram.

She said that Meta explained the ideas about solid food for babies thoroughly, helping her in deciding what was good for her baby. (wng)