Desiyani Sani, aka Noni, passed away at the age of 64 on July 20 from COVID-19. She was treated for almost three weeks at a hospital in Bekasi, West Java. Two of her children, who also contracted COVID, were at the same hospital ward with her before she was transferred to an intensive care unit (ICU).

Noni’s middle child, Siti Rifiani Khodijah Harris, who usually goes by Hanny, experienced milder symptoms. Nonetheless, she could not rest well as she had to take care of her mother.  

“There were few nurses in the hospital. So, I acted as if I was my mother's personal nurse,” the 37-year-old told The Jakarta Post on Oct. 16.

“I helped her put on her oxygen mask and adult diapers. I also poured water into her glass for her to drink when taking medication,” she added.

After 11 days, Hanny tested negative and was released from hospital. However, her younger brother, Muhamad Rezeky, better known as Kibot among his family and friends, was admitted to the same hospital. Much like his mother, Kibot also developed severe symptoms.

“A day before her passing, while she was in the ICU, she still managed to text me through WhatsApp. She asked me if my condition had improved. I thought she was getting better so I called her to ask how she was,” Kibot reminisced while crying.

“She said she had difficulty breathing. But then the phone call got disconnected. I sent a WhatsApp message but she never answered.”

Noni said her mother’s death was a life changing event. “I feel grateful because in the final days of my mother’s life, I was able to help her. She was such an angel. COVID has taken so many good people, including my mother. Our life will never be the same again,” she said.

Noni was born on Dec. 1, 1956 in Pematang Siantar, North Sumatra. She is survived by Hanny, Kibot, her husband Harris Irawan, her firstborn Muhamad Risvan Fayrliano, as well as her daughter-in-law Shinta Handayani. She also leaves behind her 91-year-old mother, three sisters and two brothers.

Selfless

One of the things that Kibot and Hanny remember the most about their mother is her altruistic and hardworking nature. Before deciding to become a housewife and entrepreneur, Noni had worked at a private bank.

From 2009 until the beginning of the pandemic, she also worked as a chef and manager at a café run by one of her sisters. Thanks to her constant hard work, she was able to cover her son’s college tuition fee.

"There were certain times in the past when my father was unemployed. So, it was my mother who paid my campus tuition fee until I graduated," said Kibot, who works as a history teacher.

Kibot explained, even when Noni was hospitalized, she still showed her selflessness. She worried about her husband's condition when he suffered a stroke in 2018. During her own bout with COVID-19, Kibot tried to remind his mother that although it was important to care for other people, she should not ignore her own well-being.

“It was hard to convince my mother, who was seriously ill at that time, to stop thinking about other people. I told her to think about herself first when she had COVID," said Kibot.

To Hanny, one memory of her mother that has left a lasting impression was her generosity to people outside the family circle.  

“When I was a junior high school student, I told my mother about a friend who couldn't pay her education fees for three months. Our family is not rich yet my mother suddenly gave me some money so that I can give it to her. She felt pity for her," said Hanny, who works as a civil servant.

Stubborn but kind-hearted

As is the case in many households, arguments and disagreements between parents and children are bound to happen, and Noni’s family is no exception.

“She was a devout Muslim. I’m not very religious, but I can comprehend that my perspective annoyed her,” said Kibot.

Nonetheless, he stressed that arguing is normal due to the generational gap between him and his mother.

“She had her own stance. My mother was part of the boomer generation, who may equate arguing with a verbal attack. We have different points of view,” Kibot said, adding that their quarrel lasted for only 15 to 30 minutes before they got along again.

Hanny downplays the fact that Noni was stubborn since her good personality hugely outweighed her stubbornness.

“I also used to argue with her. We have nearly identical personalities. But I believe I have “inherited” a great deal of her good character,” she said.

In addition to her perseverance and willingness to sacrifice, Hanny said her mother had shaped her into who she was today.

"She built me up to be a tough individual. She also emphasized that I should be a successful person,” she said.

It is not only family members who have witnessed the kindness of Noni, but also people outside her relatives circle.

"We held an online tahlilan (prayer gathering) on the first to the third day after her passing. People who knew her gave testimonials about how kind she was. She was really loved by many people,” Hanny said.

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