I was born and raised by working parents in Makassar, South Sulawesi, a region notorious for its student demonstrations.

Since I was little, I witnessed how my mother juggled work and family matters without complaining even though she hardly had any “me” time to herself.

Thankfully, she always had her support system such as domestic helpers and my father who did not mind cooking for us once in a while, or cleaning up the house, even if it was not up to my mother’s standards of cleanliness.

Occasionally, my two siblings and I also became “grandmother’s children” for a few days.

From my childhood experience, I had this ideal image of how a family should be and what roles each member should have.

However, reality bites; finding a spouse like my father is difficult.

As I grew up, I witnessed many friends getting married; some have been lucky to form families with the love of their life, while others tied the knot for a more pragmatic reason, to follow the “normal” life cycle.

However, when it comes to the division of roles in the family, most of the young families still have the same patterns as their elders. Wives are in charge of the household chores, children etc, while husbands are the breadwinners so they have to spend most time outside of the house. Rarely have I heard of husbands being involved in domestic matters, unfortunately.

After witnessing and hearing friends’ experiences, not to mention those who underwent painful break ups, building a family became not so appealing, considering the bulk of caregiving responsibilities that I, as a woman, would endure, most likely at the cost of my talent (if any) in the workplace.

So when I received an assignment to Stockholm recently and gained insights into life in Sweden, I felt like I had finally found a dream place to build a family.

Aside from the long-legged, oh so hard-to-resist Swedish men, the country also offers irresistible incentives for women and men with families.

When a child is born or adopted, both parents can share a total of 480 days of paid parental leave. From this total, for 390 days parents are entitled to nearly 80 percent of their respective salaries, while the remaining 90 days are paid at a flat daily rate set by the government.

Aside from the long parental leave, working only 75 percent of regular working hours is legal for parents until their child turns 8 years old, but their salaries are paid accordingly.

The Swedish government also offers monthly allowances for children until the age of 16, almost free kindergarten and free education up until university.

With such policies, it’s no surprise to see that the average birth rate in Sweden, home to over 10 million people, is 1.9 children compared to the European Union average of 1.6. At the same time, the proportion of working women is 78.3 percent, the highest in the EU.

In Indonesia, unfortunately parental leave is almost synonymous with maternal leave, which lasts for 90 days, or three months fully paid leave.

Meanwhile, male civil service workers who are actually entitled to take up to a month of paternity leave according to the National Civil Service Agency’s (BKN) Regulation No. 24/2017 on procedures for granting leave to civil servants, are reluctant to take that leave.

“Most of them only take five days off,” said an official at the Jakarta Employment Agency.

Some multinational companies operating here apply their own regulations regarding parental leave.

Meanwhile, Indonesia’s government does not offer a child allowance, while education largely depends on the parents’ financial situation.

Those with limited financial sources must be satisfied with having their children admitted to limited and thus highly competitive public schools, with varying degrees of quality.

Even though the Indonesian government provides nine years of free compulsory education program, many schools still require students to pay various fees such as for uniforms, facility development, etc.

Twelve-year compulsory education has actually kicked off, but implementation is patchy. Some blame this on rampant child marriage, which leads students, especially girls, to drop out of school, while others blame a lack of infrastructure and facilities to support the program.

For financially stable families, well, they can get their children admitted to the best schools money can buy.

So, as long as there is no guarantee that my future children will get a proper quality of life in this country, I guess my only option is moving to a place that offers family-friendly policies.

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The writer is a staff writer at The Jakarta Post.

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