Dining solo: A woman has a meal alone at a restaurant in a mall. (JP/Arief Suhardiman)

Sri Utami, 54, still cherishes her childhood days when she and her family gathered and had meals together. If by lunch, or dinnertime, any of her siblings were still away, other siblings would find them first before starting lunch or dinner.

“Even if my father already had dinner elsewhere, he would still respect the ritual. He would prepare the food and plates, sit and eat with us,” Sri says. “We would stay at our table, taking time having small talks.”

It was a simple yet sacred ritual that her family kept for decades in the small town of Situbondo, East Java. The family table time felt even more special upon welcoming her eldest brother, then a deacon living far away from home in a seminary who dropped by occasionally.

However, the value of family tradition changed when Sri had her own family in Greater Jakarta. There are no more regular lunches together, and the family barely makes any real effort to get together for dinner. They are caught up in different schedules and long-distance commutes to work.

Her family members simply don’t share the same values that she used to as a child.

Traditionally, Indonesians take pride in their spirit of togetherness — in joy and sorrow. An old saying has it that happy families are those that have dinner together and that one has a companion even on a short trip, such as to a nearby shop.

A Hofstede Insights article says Indonesians share a strong collectivist rather than individualistic culture. In the past, dining together with family was a culture that many families sought after.

But in the course of time, that tradition seems to be changing. In big cities, people dining alone is a common sight. Today, people eat alone at warung (modest food stall) or at upscale restaurants for practical reasons. Urbanites with busy work schedules do it to save time and money, especially those who live away from the workplace.

“If they have to eat at home [all the time], they might end up getting very hungry,” says Suzie, a lecturer of anthropology at Yogyakarta’s Gadjah Mada University, who follows the trend and dines solo herself. “Many would have dinner alone until traffic is light enough to continue their journey home.”

The trend reflects the advent of a new tradition in cities. Gone are the days of people coming together as families to have dinner at home every day.

Having meals together may no longer be seen like a moment for having quality family time. Unless it’s for a special occasion, dinner with every member of the family might be hard to do on a daily basis. Schoolchildren and their parents have different schedules.

“If the children are already big enough, the family usually doesn’t cook very often anymore,” says Suzie. “Sometimes, eating out is more efficient than cooking at home, too.”

Dining out also means that you don’t have to go and buy groceries, do the cooking, wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen. More than anything, dining out enables you to have a culinary experience that may surprise you with exceptional dishes.

The proliferation of food outlets in cities is also testament to changing family traditions among urbanites. Food stalls and restaurants offer meals and snacks you desire on every street corner.

If you seek fancier dining places, many restaurants, like Flynn Dine & Bar or Loewy in South Jakarta, offer different seating arrangements: Be alone and enjoy your meal or mingle and chat with other diners sitting next to you.

Solitary eating allows diners to enjoy their meals without the need to compromise with a companion’s schedule or taste. The booming food delivery business further normalizes the habit of eating alone — whether having lunch at the office or snacking on the home couch at night.

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