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Why does child adoption have to be impossible?
We were told that many of these babies and children were dumped at the orphanage door, or found in trash bins. The national statistics is staggering. Some 178 newborns were dumped on the streets in 2017, 90 more than the previous year.
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Adopt me: A toddler plays with his caregiver at the city-run Balita Tunas Bangsa orphanage in Cipayung, East Jakarta. Strict requirements are in place for couples who wish to adopt a child from an orphanage (Warta Kota/-)
T
he world can be so unfair. There are married couples, like us, longing to have children of our own. Meanwhile, there are children in orphanages waiting for a hand to reach out to them. Adoption is not easy. For my husband and I, it’s been almost impossible.
Six years into our marriage, and a miscarriage in 2017, and after several attempts to start a family, we learned that adoption, which would have been a last option, was not even open to us, for economic and health reasons.
We had followed a doctor’s advice to take up a baby program, but after a series of consultations and treatments, we were told that it would be hard for me to conceive again because of the effect of past chemotherapy treatments.
Yes, three years ago, I had gestational trophoblastic disease, which required me to go through 16 series of chemotherapies.
In-vitro fertilization (IVF) would have been an option too if we had the money. It can cost anything from Rp 60 million (US$4,300) to Rp100 million, depending on the type of medication.
That’s when we thought about child adoption.
But we soon learned from the Jakarta Social Services Agency that we would have to meet more than 20 requirements to adopt a child. The process was dead on its tracks when they told us that we had to have permanent employment to qualify. Neither I nor my husband hold permanent jobs.
There is also the question about whether a hospital would issue me the health certificate that the adoption agency requires, given my health history. And the legal process, including getting court approval, would not only be lengthy but also prohibitively costly.
I realize we are not alone as I head a group comprising chemotherapy survivors and found hundreds of couples were also struggling to have a baby.
Don’t we deserve to have a shot at having children?
Once I visited an orphanage in East Jakarta and found newborn babies in cots crying for a loving hand while toddlers ran around to get our attention.
We were told that many of these babies and children were dumped at the orphanage door, or found in trash bins. The national statistics is staggering. Some 178 newborns were dumped on the streets in 2017, 90 more than the previous year.
Of this, 79 died, 10 were found in the shape of fetuses. The other 89 survived and were handed over to orphanages for adoption, according to a tirto.id report citing the Indonesia Police Watch. Jakarta recorded the largest number of cases of baby dumping with 27 in 2017, followed by East Java (24), West Java (23) and Aceh (16).
One report in 2014, citing the World Health Organization, said about 760,000, or around 17 percent of all live births in Indonesia were unwanted or unplanned.
Abortion is illegal in Muslimmajority Indonesia, but 2 million women each year resort to unsafe abortion practices to end unwanted, mostly out-of-wedlock, pregnancy, often endangering their own lives.
It pains me to watch TV news of parents abusing, even killing children, or dumping babies. Like the news of the newborn baby found abandoned in a rice field in Teluk Naga in Tangerang last month.
The Women’s Empowerment and Child Protection Ministry reports of rampant cases of violence against children during the COVID-19 pandemic. Between January and June, it received reports of 3,087 cases of violence against children, including 852 physical violence, 768 psychological violence, and 1,848 cases of sexual violence.
These children deserve more. Many childless couples would be more than happy to give them the love they deserve. If only we could.
We can give love, take care of them, give them education and a decent life, much better than their biological parents are giving them.
I fully get it that strict adoption regulations are necessary to prevent human trafficking, but they don’t have to make it impossible for many, particularly those who are not rich.
We keep hearing stories of people going around the adoption law.
One typical story is for couples to pay all the expenses for the delivery of a baby for a woman who had no intention of keeping it. Another is to adopt a baby from a poor mother, usually a distant relative.
As tempting as it seems, we have no intention of circumventing the law.
We just wish the adoption process was easier, not only for our sake but for many children who are growing up loveless out there.
***
Journalist with a foreign newspaper
