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Jakarta Post

Polygamy can be a logical choice

Mohammad Zulfan Tadjoeddin’s article on polygamy (The Jakarta Post, Feb

Mira Ariyani (The Jakarta Post)
Lancaster, UK
Fri, February 14, 2014

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Polygamy can be a logical choice

M

ohammad Zulfan Tadjoeddin'€™s article on polygamy (The Jakarta Post, Feb. 7, 2014) has driven me to express my opinion about polygamy, which has been my research interest for years. I started to observe this phenomenon in 1995, both on a personal and an academic level.

It has taken me up to 19 years to finally speak publicly and confidently about this topic, which I view as very sensitive. After almost two decades of researching, observing, analyzing or understanding the phenomenon, I have fulfilled my curiosity, which I express in my master'€™s thesis on the reasons for and process in deciding to be a second wife and in my PhD thesis on children'€™s (of the first wives) emotional reactions toward their father'€™s polygamous marriage, both on psychology.

First of all, thanks to Zulfan for bringing this topic back into public debate, especially in '€œthe year of politics'€, as Indonesians might say. It is important to see how polygamy has a certain level of influence on Indonesian politics, not only today but also in the past. However, my response is not about the influence of polygamy in politics. Rather, I am more concerned about Zulfan'€™s curiosity of the incident of polygamy, which I believe is of interest to many Indonesians.

Zulfan'€™s article is important to respond to, because as a researcher in this topic, I believe that any superficial statements about this very sensitive topic will spark more debates, either constructive or destructive, if not hurt feelings, whereby the persons who experience polygamy (voluntarily or unwillingly) will fall victims in the debates.

Zulfan expressed his assumptions that, first, '€œpolygamy will officially only occur if the first wife does not demand a divorce after her husband takes a second wife'€. This is another variation of the definition of '€œpolygamy'€ (some prefer the term '€œpolygyny'€). I will not respond to this statement.

Second, he points out the bargaining positions between husband and first wife (such as '€œa wife with a lower level of intellect, weaker professional career standing and financial position and a higher number of children, is more vulnerable to experiencing a polygamous marriage'€). My response is that this assumption is acceptable but does not answer the whole question of polygamy.

Based on my research, there are female participants who have a higher education level, better career standing and financial position and a fewer number of children, who accept polygamy as the first wife.

Also, there are male participants who cannot afford family living expenses, do not have a higher level of intellect and have a fewer number of children, decide to take a second wife.

Moreover, if this second assumption is viewed as a logical one, it means a wife with a higher level of intellect, better career and financial position and a fewer number of children, will gain more power in relation to her husband. In such a situation, the wife alone is powerful enough to decide anything in her marriage life, which rarely happens in the Indonesian context.

Third, Zulfan talks about the availability of women ready to serve as a second wife. I would say, yes to that assumption, but in what circumstances are these women ready to become a second wife?

Do these women voluntarily choose to be a second wife in the first place? If there are women ready to be a second wife, does it mean the men will marry them at once, ignoring spouse compatibilities, or preferences, for example, in marriage? If yes, I am afraid we then need to redefine marriage.

What I intend to say in this limited occasion is that polygamy is not a simple phenomenon to understand. We live in a social world with our own values, religion and (patriarchal) culture.

There is much research showing the unpleasant or severely bad impacts of polygamy especially to the first family (first wives and children). However, we cannot deny there are polygamous families that are quite fine with the situation.

It means there are many factors to take into account to understand why people accept or reject polygamy regardless of their educational background, socioeconomic status, etc. One thing worth considering is that sometimes people show their acceptance or rejection of polygamy based on their personal background and experiences. These personal experiences make it dangerous to promote polygamy, for instance, because they might think that if polygamy works in their families, then it will work in others'€™ families.

This kind of conclusion is dangerous. It is a signal for us, readers and writers, to be thoughtful, careful and wise, especially in talking about such a sensitive topic like polygamy in front of a heterogeneous audience.

Furthermore, we need to appreciate the '€œbrain'€ of human beings, regardless of their position in the society, or marital conditions (polygamy or monogamy). These human beings will use their minds before they decide to accept or reject polygamy; although sometimes their own marriages and lives cannot reflect their choices.

In other words, there are people in this world who are forced to live in polygamy while they disagree with it and conversely there are people who show their acceptance toward polygamy but they do not live their lives like that.

Surely, it does not need to be a polygamist or monogamist or whoever in reality to be able to speak of one'€™s opinion of acceptance or rejection of polygamy. Besides, people'€™s opinions do not have to be in the most extreme continuums such as, acceptance or rejection.

Finally, there are theories about polygamy which are worth reading. This topic is not a brand new topic in the world of academia.

The writer, currently living in Lancaster, UK, is finalizing her PhD thesis on polygamy from a psychological perspective at Lancaster University.

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