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The key role women play in a successful marriage
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arried couples have their own ways of building a long-lasting marriage, through which both the husband and wife can grow personally and professionally. As most married couples face challenges and go through ups and downs, through joys and sorrows, the division of labor at home requires balance.
Each married woman has their own way of working toward a successful long-term marital life.
According to Liliana Tanoesoedibyo, the wife of political party leader and businessman Hary Tanoesoedibyo, honesty, loyalty and the ability to respect one another are of principal importance in a marriage.
“There should not be things that are hidden between the husband and wife,” she said in a webinar, “Inspiring Women Along With Successful Men”, in Jakarta recently. The webinar, organized by Rumah Maharani, was part of an event called WOW Story, which was moderated by Esra Manurung, founder of Maharani Foundation, with Loly Hutapea as MC.
Liliana, the executive chairwoman of MNC Group, who is also well-known as a socialite and expert in beauty and fashion, said that commitment, openness and communication were prerequisites to building a good relationship.
She revealed there were specific challenges that she and her husband faced when they pursued studies in Canada back when she was 19 years old.
They decided to build a family while they were there, which meant they had to manage their time caring for their child while attending lectures on campus.
“We managed to do it because we had a commitment and always sought out God’s help. We are proud that we built a family without the assistance of a babysitter or a maid,” she recalled.
Debbie Sianturi, wife of Batara Sianturi, the CEO of Citi Indonesia, is also of the view that a wife should provide support for her husband.
For Debbie, this does not mean losing sight of being independent and opposing the so-called Cinderella syndrome that has influenced a number of young married women.
“As a wife, I try not to be too demanding. A husband and wife in a marriage should work as a team. As a wife, I have to be proactive, cooperative, loving and willing to yield with particular things and provide encouragement," said the CEO and co-founder of Jakmikro, a financial technology start-up.
Debbie and her husband spent a couple of years living overseas when her husband was posted in Australia, Hungary and the Philippines for his job at Citibank. “I had to travel between Indonesia and Hungary several times, back and forth, when I established a business in Jakarta,” she recalled.
She said the toughest challenge the family faced was when their young son was diagnosed with autism after they returned to Jakarta. “I felt like the world had collapsed when we found that out. Autism was new to me and I had to learn about it quickly. I worked seven days a week to take care of my son, including taking him to a therapy school and a therapist,” she said.
She said that every household had their own challenges to work through. “I believe that every challenge is temporary in nature. To me, a challenge is a stepping stone to doing better or improving as long as we face it with sincerity,” she said.
“Surrendering to God is what I usually do when dealing with a problem or challenge and this way, I find a way out,” she said, explaining why she believed in the power of prayer.
The virtual discussion also featured Peggy Soehardi, the wife of Budi Soehardi, a former pilot who was named a CNN World Hero in 2009 for taking care of orphaned children.
Both Peggy and her husband founded Roslin Orphanage in Kupang, East Nusa Tenggara, in 1999.
The former stewardess of national flag carrier Garuda Indonesia has been spending her time in Kupang, working in the field with her husband and the children that they take care of.
Peggy said that she and her husband’s hearts were in the same place when it came to establishing the orphanage.
“We consider [the children at the orphanage] to be part of a big family because the children also take part in activities [with us]. We love what we are doing,” she said.
A husband and a wife should know and understand each other, she went on. “We have different characteristics. My husband is a romantic man and a typical Javanese person who is on the softer side, while I am from Kupang and a bit rough, but we adjust to each other and we show goodness through our doings. We know our role and responsibility and we serve, support and encourage each other. So we carry out our tasks joyfully, regardless of where we are.”
Peggy lives in Kupang where she operates the orphanage. Her husband, who spends part of his time in Jakarta with other Roslin orphans, is pursuing further studies in the capital.
“I feel proud of what my husband and I do. If we make a mistake, we try to fix it together. God has made it possible for me [to help others].”
At its core, building a long-term marriage is a deeply personal experience, and women like Liliana, Debbie and Peggy have each found ways to find balance at home, while relying on God’s guidance along the way.
