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Families: Love, loyalty or abuse?

There’s probably no word more loaded than “family”. Indeed, as Raza Kazim of the United Kingdom-based Islamic Human Rights Commission said, “It can be the rock of stability for some, but it can also be a living hell for others”. This is true not just for Islam — it’s a universal human condition.

Julia Suryakusuma (The Jakarta Post)
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Jakarta
Wed, May 15, 2019

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Families: Love, loyalty or abuse? Illustration of relationship (Shutterstock/File)

Family. What does it mean to you?

I asked a close friend. For her, family is about love, loyalty, shared blood, DNA, history and values, parents who would give their lives for you, siblings who care, share, protect and look out for each other.

But at the same time, she said, family also means rows, jealousies, favoritism, discrimination, inheritance squabbles, abuse, betrayal, violence, aggressions and the tendency to project anger, insecurities and life’s frustrations and disappointments on each other.

Sound familiar? Most of us have experienced some tendencies in the list, to one degree or another I am sure.

There’s probably no word more loaded than “family”. Indeed, as Raza Kazim of the United Kingdom-based Islamic Human Rights Commission said, “It can be the rock of stability for some, but it can also be a living hell for others”. This is true not just for Islam — it’s a universal human condition.

“Family” can remind us of the parent who abused or abandoned us, the uncle who raped us, the self-righteous narcissistic husband, the bullying brother, or the vengeful, conniving wife. There is even the practice of familicide, which includes patricide, matricide and fratricide. Still want to romanticize the family?

Since 1993, the United Nations has designated May 15 as the International Day of Families. Every year they assign a theme. This year, it’s “Families and Climate Action: Focus on SDG 13”. They say the day “reflects the importance the international community attaches to families [and] provides an opportunity to promote issues relating to families and increase knowledge of the social, economic and demographic processes affecting families”. Hmmm, typical UN parlance.

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