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Genetically modified orgasms, anyone?

We know that sex scandals are not uncommon among politicians, but would you believe that in Australia in June this year a backbencher had multiple orgasms on the floor of the parliament? Who was this outrageous MP? It was one Jason Wood of La Trobe, Victoria, who was raising concerns that genetically modified organisms (known as GM crops) are a threat to Australian farmers and consumers

Julia Suryakusuma (The Jakarta Post)
Wed, July 15, 2009

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Genetically modified orgasms, anyone?

W

e know that sex scandals are not uncommon among politicians, but would you believe that in Australia in June this year a backbencher had multiple orgasms on the floor of the parliament?

Who was this outrageous MP? It was one Jason Wood of La Trobe, Victoria, who was raising concerns that genetically modified organisms (known as GM crops) are a threat to Australian farmers and consumers. However, instead of saying "genetically modified organisms", he said "orgasms". Realizing his mistake, he tried to correct it by repeating himself, but what should come out but "orgasm" again! (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdM3N_GRo1s). Clearly, he had orgasms on his mind.

Can't blame him, really.

Nowadays, with many voters having easy - often instant - access to the Internet, politicians are under even greater scrutiny than ever before. This is certainly true of their sexual indiscretions - and even other activities that, like sex, should be conducted in private.

Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd discovered, for instance, that even he was not to be spared! The embarrassment of his 15-second mindless ear-picking-and-earwax-eating activity (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0B23RgyhkI) has been broadcast and viewed repeatedly on YouTube (in slow motion, no less!).

As for us Indonesians -- raunchy lot that we are -- even our presidential tickets and their campaign antics were given a sexual spin.

The Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono-Boediono motto was Lanjutkan (let's carry on), while Jusuf Kalla-Wiranto's was Lebih cepat lebih baik (the quicker the better). Naturally, women voters preferred Yudhoyono's slogan, because for women the more foreplay there is, the better, thank you, whereas Kalla's slogan smacked a bit of a crude "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am".

Jokes aside, it seems it wasn't just the female electorate who would prefer carrying on with Yudhoyono (whom they consider handsome, despite his 30 or so surplus kilos).

In fact, the provisional count suggests that a full 61.66 percent of the Indonesian electorate would like to lanjutkan! And what is it that we choose to continue? Clearly we want to carry on with the stable, clean, technocratic democratic mainstream that we've had since 2004, whatever its many shortcomings.

You see, Yudhoyono's victory was also an unequivocal rejection of the juvenile xenophobic nationalism touted by the Megawati Soekarnoputri-Prabowo Subianto ticket, just as it was a loud "No" to the New Order military revivalism represented by Wiranto and the superficial symbolic Islam that Kalla espoused. Ah-ha! The veiled wives trick didn't work, did it, Kalla? So my feminist friends didn't have to get all worked up about the politicization of the jilbab after all: "It's not the wrap, but the contents of women's heads that count!" exclaimed feminist Gadis Arivia in the daily Kompas.

And going green (Islamic, that is) didn't work for the Golkar Party any more than Islamic symbolism did for the Prosperous Justice Party (PKS), because the reality is most people no longer vote narrowly along religious, ethnic or family tradition lines. This dissipation of communal politics was not so apparent in the 2004 elections, but it is crystal clear now.

In fact, the old norm that Indonesian voters are bound by longstanding communal allegiances seems to have been blown out of the water by the successive victories of Yudhoyono's Democratic Party in the legislative elections, and then by Yudhoyono himself.

So much so that there was even a man in Riau who was reported to have slapped and strangled his 30-year-old wife for preferring Yudhoyono, threatening her with divorce. It shows women know what they want, whatever their deranged husbands think (or do).

Perhaps it's not so much that Yudhoyono is in a league of his own, but more that his opponents have been offering things the public are fed up with. Both Golkar and the Indonesian Democratic Party of Struggle (PDI-P) have slowly been crumbling over the years, and now they're both comprehensively stuffed. With the authority and leadership of both Megawati and Kalla in tatters, their parties are tottering. Both urgently need fresh new candidates better suited to the new rules of the game.

Unfortunately, with no clear successor (save perhaps Megawati's daughter), the future of the PDI-P's leadership is unclear. In Golkar's case, there are three candidates to replace Kalla - the so-called A-team: Aburizal Bakrie, Agung Laksono and Akbar Tanjung (perhaps with Surya Paloh thrown in as B.A. Baracus?). But while they can be likened to the corny American action-adventure television series, they're also like the Last of the Mohicans, more a part of Indonesia's New Order past than of our democratic future.

The truth is the real winner of the presidential election is not Yudhoyono - it's the Indonesian people. As a nation, we are maturing politically, starting to wise up to the power games and manipulations of the political elite. And we are also starting to demand policies that cater to the interests of the majority - that is, the poor.

So with the transparency now required of anyone wanting to take public office, we shouldn't be afraid of idiots running: They won't get far. Yes, we allow inappropriate candidates to run, but that doesn't mean they will win. Let a thousand flowers bloom, sure, but let the voters get rid of the weeds.

In the same way that Jason Wood was exposed as a buffoon, our democratic system - and our electorate - can now be relied on to tell the difference between "genetically modified orgasms" and the real thing!

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