The personal issues that come with the anxiety of transitioning into adulthood, coupled with the state of the world right now, makes becoming an adult as challenging as any point in history.

Anxiety, in an age when mental health is becoming increasingly less taboo to talk about, is a common theme of discussion, as it’s something many people can relate to.

However, in conservative Indonesia, normal conversations about anxiety, of course, are still rare, and this is what makes Public Feelings & Other Acts, a book written by writer Ray Shabir, feel so refreshing. Anxiety around topics like postgraduate blues, marriage and even existential crises is discussed in a way that connects deeply to today’s youths.

As a way to promote the best-selling debut book, which actually came out in September last year, Ray created the exhibition “Gallery of Anxiety” to further enhance his readers’ experience.

Open at the Kopimanyar café in Bintaro, South Tangerang, until June 23, the exhibition brings the visually-oriented book into a much more physical experience through original photographs, installations and a short film.

Ray described Public Feelings as something timely yet timeless and that it was written during a stressful time in his life.

“It’s because of the postgraduate blues, quarter-life crisis, and everything starts becoming more real. People always say that life is hard, but a lot of my friends seem like they’re doing okay, but it turns out that they open up during lunch and say that they’re experiencing this and that,” Ray told The Jakarta Post.

During a trip to New York two weeks before the book’s launch, Ray said that he mirrored the relationship between the trip and the experience of growing.

Ray Shabir

“When you’re in one of the most populated cities in the world and you don’t really know anyone, that kind of puts you in the perspective,” Ray said, noting that the exhibition was deliberately held much later than the book launch to allow people to read and fully experience the book first.

“The ‘Gallery of Anxiety’ is actually taken from a poem in the book; in the middle of it there’s these ‘isms’, like pluralism and racism. I’ve been introduced to artists throughout my life that taught me those ‘isms’, it could literally be postmodernism in the art itself but also be like social issues like racism,” Ray explained.

“Thinking that I had those names that have brought me to this point in my life, I thought that I could never live up to any of them, so that’s basically how the Gallery of Anxiety started.”

As visitors enter the exhibition, they will be presented with imageries that conjure up associations with anxiety, such as a shattered mirror and a headless nude red mannequin suspended upside down over broken glass, the latter contrasting with the Public Feelings’ cover of a partial statue head painted red.

According to Ray, the imageries conveyed a sense of tension, which he said was quite close to anxiety. That sense of tension is also notable in the venue space, as he noted that the vicinity usually played host to photography exhibitions that were not as “disruptive”.

The realization of Public Feelings into an exhibition was also the result of collaborations between Ray and numerous other creators.

While the suspended mannequin is striking on its own, the focal point of the exhibition is Sentimentalism, a 26-minute film representing eight of the book’s 20 chapters.

Sentimentalism is a collective work, with eight different parts directed by different directors; Marguerite Afra (Hero), Dhyani Paramita (Amore), Bintang Adamas (10 Centimeters), Risabella Wongso (Cottonmouth), Halena Rizki (God Particle), Prabowo Prajogio (Fire Escape), and Ray himself (Nighttime Attitudes, Private War, Fire Escape). Eight photographs representing the eight chapters are also viewable in the exhibition area.

On display: “The Gallery of Anxiety” borrows its name from a poem in Ray Shabir's debut book Public Feelings & Other Acts.

“A lot of them are my friends, actually, because I have friends that love to create, direct, take photos. There’s a rapper and a singer in the video. It’s a bunch of kids making art, basically.”

Sentimentalism, which began initial filming in January and finished in April, represents anxiety in different forms. 

Hero, for example, represents the anxiety of leaving a legacy. Meanwhile, Amore deals with the anxiety of marriage, while 10 Centimeters is borne out of Ray’s stint at modelling and the feeling that he doesn’t fit into the mold.

“In Nighttime Attitudes, it’s the anxiety of partying. With Private War, it’s the prologue of my book and the teaser. Cottonmouth is the anxiety of being lonely, and God Particle is a little bit of existentialism, and in Fire Escape it’s where everything goes full circle and the rebirth process begins, and you shed more skin and you survive more in a never-ending cycle,” Ray said.

Behind a black curtain partition, Sentimentalism is played on a loop on a TV screen. Ray said that it was intended so that visitors could wander around the exhibition area several times before “unlocking” something in their perspective, although he noted that this process was more common in design and art-oriented individuals.

“I think for regular people, I want them to see another perspective; something they don’t necessarily think would be in a café. A lot of it is also very DIY [do-it-yourself], and I wanted to show that it doesn’t take much to put on an exhibition, because there’s this kind of separation between the high art and kids that love to make art. There’s always that intimidation, but if I can do it then anyone can,” Ray said, adding that it took eight hours in total to set up the installation.

Ray said that the message he wanted to convey through the exhibition was one of perseverance, of pushing through one’s anxiety in a process of rebirth.

“Your anxiety will kind of lie to you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it could be the truth. In the book, I put my name on the ‘-isms’, and it’s sentimentalism. Sentimentalism always relates to looking back, but I think you don’t want to dwell in it and keep pushing, looking forward,” he said.

Losing your head: The "Gallery of Anxiety" exhibition explores many of life's common anxieties from marriage to existential crisis.

— Photos by JP/Josa Lukman