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Rape: When our families, schools and religion betray us
The issue of sexual harassment and violence and the way it is being addressed is a reflection of deep seated social and political ills in Indonesia.
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Power of women: Activists from various women’s organizations unfurl a banner during a rally in Palu, Central Sulawesi, on Dec. 10 to commemorate International Human Rights Day and demand the passage of the sexual violence eradication bill. (Antara/Basri Marzuki)
Recently, I became the “collateral damage” of rape. More precisely, the rape trauma of “Minah”, my home help.
Now 44, she told me she had been raped at age 18 by an older man. The rape resulted in pregnancy, and the birth of a baby girl. Instead of having the man punished, Minah was married off to him, because it seems, the “sin” of sex outside of marriage, even if it is rape, is greater than the crime of sexual violence.
How does one deal with the gross injustice of being forced to marry your rapist? Repressed rage? Self blame? Low self-worth? In Minah’s case, perhaps all of these things, but her scary solution is her habit of self-harm: cutting her arm with a razor blade. She told me when she does it, it gives her immense relief – albeit temporarily. Could it be that the pain inside is so unbearable, that inflicting physical pain on oneself is a distraction from the inner pain?
I offered to introduce her to the Pulih (Recovery/Healing) Foundation, which provides psychological counseling for victims of sexual violence. Instead, Minah disappeared for a month without any explanation. Besides the inconvenience of not having any help at home when I had a ton of work deadlines, I was also worried sick. Where had she gone? What was her state of mind? My worry reached such a state of paranoia, I was terrified she would commit suicide.
To my great relief, Minah eventually turned up. She was unable to fully explain the reason for her disappearing act, but at least she was alive. Phew!
Novia Widyasari, a student from Mojokerto, East Jawa, was not so lucky. Not only was she allegedly raped by her police officer fiancé, Second Brig. Randy Bagus, when she became pregnant, he forced her to abort. Her resulting mental and emotional anguish from the violent act not to mention from the betrayal, was so great that on Dec. 2, she went to her father’s grave, drank her favorite Red Velvet drink, laced with cyanide, died, and finally found her “peace”.
Recently, both the media and social media have been swamped with stories of rape cases from pesantren (Islamic boarding schools). One particularly shocking and egregious case was the alleged rape of more than a dozen female pesantren students in West Java by Herry Wirawan, their ustadz (religious teacher). Some had been raped repeatedly and had even given birth. The case in West Java was a recently exposed case, but sexual abuse in pesantren is systematic and like in the Catholic Church, has been going on for a long time.
