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On conformism, coming out and being a ‘unicorn’
The US started marking Oct. 11 as National Coming Out Day in 1988, and this designation gives us pause on how LGBT discrimination in Indonesia is contributing to our brain drain and its ensuing impacts on the country's future.
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A costumed participant holds a banner that reads “Homosexuality is not a mental illness” on May 21, 2011, during a protest in Jakarta demanding equality for LGBT people. (AP/Dita Alangkara) (tempo.co /-)
W
e engage in acts of coming out every day, don’t we? From the car, the bathroom, a classroom, a movie theater; it’s no big deal, right?
But the expression “coming out” has very clear implications related to sexual identity: revealing to the world that that you belong to the LGBTIQA+ rainbow community. Coming out can have dire consequences for your life. In some countries like Uganda, Somalia, Pakistan and most Middle Eastern countries, it can even mean death.
Oct. 11 is designated as National Coming Out Day (NCOD), and was initially inaugurated in 1988 in the United States by Robert Eichberg (1945-1995) and Jean O’Leary (1948-2005), a former Catholic nun who later came out as a lesbian and gay activist. Far out!
The idea behind NCOD was that coming out to family, friends and colleagues is the most basic form of activism. Its founders asserted that “homophobia thrives in an atmosphere of silence and ignorance, but once people know they have loved ones who are lesbian or gay, they are far less likely to maintain homophobic or oppressive views”.
Really? Recently, “Adam”, a 20-year-old ethnic Chinese friend, came out to me. He felt burdened and oppressed by having to live a double life as a good Catholic and at the same time, as a gay man in Indonesia. He was particularly distressed and panicked over his relationship with his mother, a devout Catholic. She once told him: “I will never restrain you. You can be a leftist, an environmentalist, choose any type of occupation you want, but I will never accept it if you are gay.”
Uh-oh, sorry mom, it’s not a matter of “doing”, but of “being”. Gays are born this way!
Due to Adam’s fear of the consequences of coming out, including being disowned or worse, making his mother ill from mental distress, he plans to come out to his family only when he is safely out of the country, doing his postgraduate studies in the US. He also intends to forge his career abroad, in a country where he can live safely and authentically as a gay man.
