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Most office workers would be better off in prison
I used to live near a prison
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I used to live near a prison. There was a guy on the top floor who used to wave his hand at me through the bars. Actually, it wasn't just his hand.
But the thing that struck me was that he always looked so happy. For some reason, this annoyed me intensely. I wanted to shout:you: Stop being happy." But then I realized that I would sound like my former employers, who were always hollering that at me.
Looking through the barred windows as I walked past, I absorbed numerous lessons which helped me put my life into perspective.
In prison, he spends most of his time confined to a space measuring three meters by three metres.
At the office, I spend most of my time confined to a cubicle measuring 1.5 meters by 1.5 meters.
In prison, he gets a healthy, early night every night.
At the office, I work late so often I'll probably end up with an ulcer.
In prison, he gets time off for good behavior.
At the office, I get extra work assignments for good behavior.
In prison, he gets all the food and drink he needs prepared for him by trained catering staff, three times a day, seven days a week.
At the office, I can help myself to free water from the water cooler.
In prison, he can watch television and read through a library of books.
At the office, I'll get sacked if I get caught watching a clip on YouTube.
In prison, he'll spend a lot of time in quiet contemplation about the important things in life.
In the office, mindless inconsequential activity fills my every second.
In prison, he gets a toilet to himself.
At the office, I share a toilet with a building-full of people less toilet-trained than my pets.
At the office, I spend more money than I can afford making sure my clothing matches that of my colleagues.
In prison, everyone gets free, color co-ordinated outfits.
In prison, there are sadistic, evil creatures called warders who will torment him.
In office life, there are sadistic, evil creatures called employers who torment me.
In prison, one's working days are short and sweet.
In my working life, I arrive at the office before the sun has risen and leave after it's dark.
In prison, he doesn't have to take work home with him.
In my job, I arrive every morning with a fat briefcase and leave with a fatter one.
In prison, he never has to worry about paying bills for utilities and other things.
In the life of a modern office-worker, I worry about paying bills all the time.
At the office, I spend hours every day wading through a sea of spam.
In prison, he just gets one small square of Spam a week, on Tuesdays, with a side salad.
In my work life, I pay a fortune for a gym membership, but never have time to go.
In prison, the gym is free and he has plenty of incentive to keep himself in good shape, especially when taking a shower.
In my office life, I often feel pressured to be in three different places at once.
In prison, this is probably not really an issue.
The writer is a journalist and columnist. He can be reached at www.vittachi.com
