Blood may be thicker than water, but physical proximity oftentimes is far more important than even your immediate relatives. What good is a close relative who lives a distance away when you are in dire need of help?

Your next-door neighbors, by contrast, will always be there for you. In times of emergency, you have no one else to turn to but your neighbors. That is, of course, assuming that you get on well with them.

Relations between Indonesia and Australia in some ways are heading in this direction. Two neighbors who have had more than their share of rows are now determined to live more in the spirit of cooperation. Call it neighborliness. They know that their fates and fortunes are tied together because of their geographical proximity.

A two-day conference on Indonesian-Australian relations, which got underway Thursday in Sydney, seeks to broaden and deepen these ties. Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd will give the keynote address to the gathering that involves 60 people from both sides selected from the government, business sector and civil society.

The two giant neighboring countries could not be more different culturally, historically, politically and economically. Because of this, relations between the two countries have had a checkered past, or what Indonesian Foreign Minister Hassan Wirajuda describes as being marked by “sudden ups, and sudden downs”.

But geography has destined us to be together, like it or not, in good times and bad. It’s not something that either side can change.

At times, we are even in denial of our close proximity, preferring to foster relations with more distant countries in the pursuit of our respective national interests, primarily because they are more like us. Indonesia forged close links with Japan, and Australia has retained its European links and identity.

Many times in the past, our differences were what kept us apart, in spite of our status as next-door neighbors. Our prejudices of the other, more defined by our perceived differences, have often become the sources of tension and conflict that got in the way of the broader relations.

The “sudden downs” in the past included East Timor (Indonesia’s handling or Australia’s meddling), terrorism and the Islam factor, human trafficking, traditional fishing (or illegal fishing in Canberra’s view), Papua asylum seekers, a certain Schapelle Corby, and nine Australians on death row for drug trafficking.

More often than not, it’s the bad times or tragedies that brought the two nations closer, providing the “sudden ups”, like the 2002 Bali bombing and the ensuing collaboration to fight terrorism, the Aceh tsunami and other natural disasters since then. One must not forget that Australia in the late 1940s helped newly independent Indonesia’s diplomatic campaign for international recognition.

In the past, government officials on both sides of the border have tended to put cultural differences as the main dividing factor.

The prevailing view in Australia (at least in Canberra) is that Indonesians are very sensitive and don’t take criticism from people of different cultures lightly, and often react erratically. The prevailing view in Indonesia (again, Jakarta politicians) is that Australians are coarse and arrogant, and even racist.

These views of the other led to the culturally sensitive diplomacy pursued by Australia in dealing with Indonesia in the 1990s. Prime Minister Paul Keating exemplified this when he coddled up to president Soeharto in the 1990s, referring to him always as Bapak (Sir).

But what Australians took as cultural sensitivity was really a cloak for intolerance to criticism on the part of Indonesians, if not a cover for our inferiority complex.

Fortunately, things have changed considerably in Indonesia since the departure of Soeharto from power in 1998. Today, it is a much more open society and more confident, but while we may still have our hang-ups, our leaders today are far more open to criticism.

Another factor that opens the way for warmer relations is that East Timor has been taken out of the equation. This was an issue that often jeopardized the entire relationship between Indonesia and Australia for more than two decades.

Today, Indonesia and Australia can pursue a more balanced and comprehensive relationship, helped by the changing attitude on both sides of the divide.

The leaders of the two countries at least are already feeling comfortable with each other. President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono has met with Kevin Rudd seven times since late 2007, and their foreign ministers Hassan Wirajuda and Stephen Smith, six times. They are already at the stage of what Hassan describes as “we can just pick up the phone”.

There is still room for improvement in the trade and investment areas and there is definitely plenty of work to promote what officials refer to as “people-to-people links”.

In education, for example, some 19,000 Indonesians study in Australia, while only 150 Australians study in Indonesia. The teaching of Indonesian has only just been reinvigorated in Australian schools, and it has to compete against the more popular  Asian languages like Chinese and Japanese.

Public perceptions of the other, both in Australia and Indonesia, take a little longer to change. Many of the old prejudices and stereotyping remain. Many Australians still see Indonesia as a country governed by the military, where crazy Islamic terrorists roam free. Many Indonesians, for their part, still see Australia as essentially a white European nation.

This will be the job of the media and other shapers of public opinion in both countries to inform about the changes that have taken place. While the two countries are still very different in many respects, they at least now share similar values when it comes to democracy, freedom, human rights, and cultural tolerance.

No doubt the two countries will continue to have differences of opinions on many issues, but with the changing attitude, particularly in Indonesia, the two nations are far more at ease with each other than they have been in the past. They know that in times of crisis and emergency, they can turn to each other like two good neighbors.

The writer is chief editor of The Jakarta Post, and a participant at the Australia-Indonesian Conference in Sydney Feb. 19-21.

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