Tue, 10/20/2009 1:24 PM | City
One day last week I took the train, economy-class, from Sawah Besar in Central Jakarta to Depok in West Java. It was 11:30 a.m., the sun was beating down and it was hot, all the train passengers were sweating heavily in the airless carriage.
I was standing near two mothers sat with their babies aged about 12-18 months old, who were enjoying the breeze coming in through the carriage windows.
Twenty minutes went by, it was getting hotter, and one of the toddlers, looking tired, started crying. The wailing baby grasped her mother*s shirt and tugged, fussing and wriggling, throwing her body from right to left in her mother's arms. Maybe because of the hot weather, or due to hunger, or tiredness.
Standing around the mother were several male passengers. Endless minutes later, the howling baby was still struggling and grasping at her mother*s shirt. I watched the mother and child; the baby's anguish, the mother's anxiety and her countless efforts to console her baby, all to no avail. Passengers started to feel irritated by the wailing.
As the crying became even louder, the mother gave up and slowly opened her shirt a little and offered her breast to the baby. Within a half second, the baby stopped crying and looked content. That, then, was the reason she had been crying for more than 20 minutes. I couldn't ignore the temptation of watching them, so I continue to look, marveling at how the baby became so calm after getting what she wanted, and how the male passengers were enjoying looking at a woman with her breast showing. There were six men around her, and they were avidly watching the breast-feeding process.
As a woman, I felt embarrassed. Really. However, for me, this was not the first time, 10 years ago, when I used to take the train every day, I was always coming across similar situations to today's. How can a baby exploit their own mother*s privacy just to satisfy their hunger or thirst? Yes, I know, little babies have not learned yet how to be reasonable. They cry to get what they need. If, at the time, you had been in my position, I bet you wouldn*t have stopped looking at them either, just like the group of men, who all enjoyed free porn that hot day. You would not only have felt amused, but astonished, at the fact that little babies have such great power to control their mothers and get what they want.
After this baby had calmed down, the second baby, about the same age as the first, watching her little friend suckling her mother's breast, perhaps, felt envious. So this baby then began to wail, with the same volume as had the first. But this baby's mother was wearing Muslim attire, which meant according to Islamic law she ought not show any part of the body forbidden to be seen by the opposite sex (aurat) and it would have been very awkward for her if she had opened part of her clothing to feed her baby. Therefore, she did not, she ignored the baby*s tantrum, even when the baby began to pull at her mother*s shirt with all her strength. Fifteen minutes later, the baby was still screaming, but her mother still did not offer her her breast.
That baby must have been very puzzled, upset and then distraught at not getting what she wanted. Why could her little companion get her needs met so easily, and yet she just had to accept that her mother wouldn't fulfill her needs?
The train scene became an amazing drama, a live performance from the mothers and babies. The first mother gave in to her baby's demands, while the second mother decided not to show her breast in public.
What would I do if I had a baby forcing me to open my shirt in front of a hundred strangers on the train? Frankly speaking, I have no idea, but for mothers who have experienced this situation, they have only two choices: offer the breast and see their baby content, or refuse and ignore the baby*s tantrum.
Porn is one of the most popular issues in society, as every time porn appears on television, many people and organizations are ready to demonstrate, but do they even know what has been happening on the trains all these years?
I realize I haven't got concrete empirical research data yet on how many mothers have ever opened their blouses and revealed their breasts to men in order to fulfill their babies' needs. It would be funny, and controversial, if this was treated and legalized as normal - and not porn.
- Mayasari Oey
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Anto anto (not verified), jakarta — Wed, 11/04/2009 - 10:56am
In villages I sometimes see women breastfeeding their babies in public places, by the rice fields, on the andong (horse-pulled carriage). Even in the market, sometimes while talking with the customers they carry their babies and breastfeeding them. It is not a problem for the people there (men and women). So, why are we worried about women who breastfeed their babies on the train? It happens because there is still no special space on the train specially dedicated for lactating mothers. If I were one of the men on that train, I would not see it as a porn act, but I would see it as "a mother showing her natural love to her baby", just like what our mothers did to us. So, unlike the author who still does not know what she would do if she were the mother, I want to say: If I were the woman in that situation, I would breasfeed my baby. I would NEVER say that the baby exploited her mother. NEVER and NEVER. I have a very simple question: when we were a baby and we were hungry, did we EVER ask our mother: "Mom, is it a porn act to breastfeed me here?", before we started crying for breastmilk?Barry (not verified), Jakarta — Tue, 11/03/2009 - 9:52am
I'd like to view it in the neutral way. In one side, i agree that what Ms.Oey wrote could be interpretated as 'breastfeeding is a porn act'. I believe that when Ms.Oey wrote it, she didn't have an aim to think about breastfeeding in the negative way nor to hurt the mothers's feeling who did or are doing the breastfeeding. She just describe the reality of our society and add her view of point based on that. Is that wrong? She is Jakarta Post reader also and not one of the columnist. She confessed already that she has not done empirical research about it and what she just saw on the train, is truly happened. The point is Ms. Oey doesn’t put on one side... She stated that she will be confused as well in the situation like that, whether she will feed the baby with open shirt or blouse, or ignoring the baby's need because it's categorized as porn action.Gee (not verified), Cirebon — Tue, 11/03/2009 - 9:10am
Hmm... I read hundreds judging comments here. Could we stop to judge the writer and take the positive things from article? Judging is not help the writer to be a better person. She tried her best as a part of Indonesian society to share what she has seen in the KRL (Kereta Api Listrik). How could people who don't know the situation of our KRL judge her that cruel? With many sarcastics words and full of emotion. My deep condolences for these people who consider themself as 'educated person'. Thank you for reading my sharing... It's nice to know that every person, include me, has a part of shallow thinking. My best regards, Gee.Fahmia (not verified), Jakarta — Tue, 11/03/2009 - 1:05am
Is Jakarta Post really that hard up so that you have to stoop this low and publish this sort of writing to attract readers? It's offensive on so many levels. Why are mothers trying to give their babies the best start in life discriminated against. If you don't like it, look away! Why are we blaming the women? Why is no-one saying anything about the men who are turning an act of love from a mother to her baby into something degrading and sleazy? Why isn't anyone saying anything about these men's inability to control themselves?Ismi (not verified), jakarta — Sun, 11/01/2009 - 10:14pm
As a mother I believe breastfeeding itself is not pornographic but its a beautiful thing. In this case, the way that the mother goes about doing it in a public place can make it into a pornographic exposure. So the author of the article can not be blamed for expressing her opinion. I am sure that lots of women will have the same opinion with the author if they were in that situation.Deena (not verified), Jakarta — Sun, 11/01/2009 - 10:00pm
[8:53:33 AM] Jonathon Lock: I agree with what maya wrote. I think it is irritating to see a woman showing her breast in public. I feel embarassed even when my family member is accidently exposed to me. It is worse when it is in a public place and random men are taking pleasure from the breastfeeding. I beleive it could be defined as porn.Deena (not verified), Jakarta — Sun, 11/01/2009 - 9:55pm
I agree with what maya wrote. I think it is irritating to see a woman showing her breast in public. I feel embarassed even when my family member is accidently exposed to me. It is worse when it is in a public place and random men are taking pleasuer from the breastfeeding. I beleive it could be defined as porn.Jonathon (not verified), Oquawka — Sun, 11/01/2009 - 9:37pm
I think that maybe to the men watching it may have been a pornographic show. In situations like that I feel somewhat uncomfortable, even when it is a family member. I support breastfeeding but believe modesty should be applied in public places.Vera tobing (not verified), jakarta — Sat, 10/31/2009 - 2:46am
Apart from the "breastfeeding-porn" controversy, I'm just confused as some thought The Jakarta Post have wrongly recruited this miss Mayasari Oey as their reporters. Guys, please, she's just one of the paper's readers, just like us. As a long-time reader of the jakarta post (I've been subscribing it for like 12 years or so), I've known the reporters by names (although not personally at all), never have I read reporting news in the paper under the name of Mayasari Oey. All i know is that this article is printed under a section in the City page that is open to readers' opinions. After reading the paper for so long, I can see jakarta post has been trying to accommodate many readers' views (one of them is mayasari). Hopefully (am a bit sure, actually), jakarta post would also accommodate your views against mayasari. I believe they also want to support their readers to become critical. Believe me, I wrote so many comments on jakarta post's articles before, criticizing many articles. But after all, yes, I also can say that, jakarta post should be more SELECTIVE next time when receiving opinions from their readers. Make sure your editors work!!!WealthyAmerican Seeks Wife (not verified), New York — Fri, 10/30/2009 - 10:51pm
This is wrong. I have the money to make sure my wife will have nurses and nursing facilities at home. I never heard of any woman having to breastfeed on a train