Other Publications
Live porn aboard an economy train?
Tue, 10/20/2009 1:24 PM | City
One day last week I took the train, economy-class, from Sawah Besar in Central Jakarta to Depok in West Java. It was 11:30 a.m., the sun was beating down and it was hot, all the train passengers were sweating heavily in the airless carriage.
I was standing near two mothers sat with their babies aged about 12-18 months old, who were enjoying the breeze coming in through the carriage windows.
Twenty minutes went by, it was getting hotter, and one of the toddlers, looking tired, started crying. The wailing baby grasped her mother*s shirt and tugged, fussing and wriggling, throwing her body from right to left in her mother's arms. Maybe because of the hot weather, or due to hunger, or tiredness.
Standing around the mother were several male passengers. Endless minutes later, the howling baby was still struggling and grasping at her mother*s shirt. I watched the mother and child; the baby's anguish, the mother's anxiety and her countless efforts to console her baby, all to no avail. Passengers started to feel irritated by the wailing.
As the crying became even louder, the mother gave up and slowly opened her shirt a little and offered her breast to the baby. Within a half second, the baby stopped crying and looked content. That, then, was the reason she had been crying for more than 20 minutes. I couldn't ignore the temptation of watching them, so I continue to look, marveling at how the baby became so calm after getting what she wanted, and how the male passengers were enjoying looking at a woman with her breast showing. There were six men around her, and they were avidly watching the breast-feeding process.
As a woman, I felt embarrassed. Really. However, for me, this was not the first time, 10 years ago, when I used to take the train every day, I was always coming across similar situations to today's. How can a baby exploit their own mother*s privacy just to satisfy their hunger or thirst? Yes, I know, little babies have not learned yet how to be reasonable. They cry to get what they need. If, at the time, you had been in my position, I bet you wouldn*t have stopped looking at them either, just like the group of men, who all enjoyed free porn that hot day. You would not only have felt amused, but astonished, at the fact that little babies have such great power to control their mothers and get what they want.
After this baby had calmed down, the second baby, about the same age as the first, watching her little friend suckling her mother's breast, perhaps, felt envious. So this baby then began to wail, with the same volume as had the first. But this baby's mother was wearing Muslim attire, which meant according to Islamic law she ought not show any part of the body forbidden to be seen by the opposite sex (aurat) and it would have been very awkward for her if she had opened part of her clothing to feed her baby. Therefore, she did not, she ignored the baby*s tantrum, even when the baby began to pull at her mother*s shirt with all her strength. Fifteen minutes later, the baby was still screaming, but her mother still did not offer her her breast.
That baby must have been very puzzled, upset and then distraught at not getting what she wanted. Why could her little companion get her needs met so easily, and yet she just had to accept that her mother wouldn't fulfill her needs?
The train scene became an amazing drama, a live performance from the mothers and babies. The first mother gave in to her baby's demands, while the second mother decided not to show her breast in public.
What would I do if I had a baby forcing me to open my shirt in front of a hundred strangers on the train? Frankly speaking, I have no idea, but for mothers who have experienced this situation, they have only two choices: offer the breast and see their baby content, or refuse and ignore the baby*s tantrum.
Porn is one of the most popular issues in society, as every time porn appears on television, many people and organizations are ready to demonstrate, but do they even know what has been happening on the trains all these years?
I realize I haven't got concrete empirical research data yet on how many mothers have ever opened their blouses and revealed their breasts to men in order to fulfill their babies' needs. It would be funny, and controversial, if this was treated and legalized as normal - and not porn.
- Mayasari Oey
We invite readers to contribute to this section about things happening in Greater Jakarta. Personal experiences, rants and protests are also welcome. Please send your story to city@thejakartapost.com. The article should be between 600 and 800 words.
What's On
- Festival of India
10/29/2009 12/15/2009 Balai Kartini & Umar Ismail Hall, Jakarta
- Imagemakers of the Future: Photography exhibition
10/10/2009 11/30/2009 Alila Ubud Desa Melinggih Kelod Payangan, Gianyar 80572, Bali - Timeless Change
11/05/2009 12/07/2009 Ganesha Gallery, Four Seasons Hotel Jimbaran, Bali. - Choreography of Colours; Sardono W. Kusumo's first solo painting exhibition
11/12/2009 12/12/2009 vivi yip art room Annexe Ciputra World Marketing Gallery Jalan Prof Satrio Kav 11, Casablanca
Julie (not verified), OZ — Fri, 10/30/2009 - 9:06pm
Lots of comentators here claim themselves to be a democratic person, but very few praised Mayasari for her courage to write her opinion. It was a very legitimate point of view. Many of us still think the way Maya think but don't have courage to express it as we scare of the retaliation. Even in Australia, the legislation to ban discrimination against women breastfeeding in public places, such as on trains and buses and in restaurants was only introduced in 2007. The debate on public breastfeeding still continues till today in Australia. Let's be honest guys. Indonesian have much more conservative view than Australian. This is evidenced by how the first mother in her story had to wait for a while before she decided to breastfeed her baby. She must've feel embarass too. And it was also a FACT that the Muslim woman didn't do anything when they baby was crying. Can someone tell me why these two women reluctant to breastfeed their baby??? Please excuse Maya for not using better word for 'porn', but apart from right or wrong, pretty sure many onlookers in that train had exactly the same feeling as Maya's. And those two women probably also felt that by breastfeeding they might contribute to free porn, exactly like Maya's observation. In all debate, there should be 1 team to propose and 1 team to oppose. Let's take side, but please don't give nasty comment to Maya. Let's us all enlight each other with our opinions on this matter. More than 100 comments means something here. The controversial of her writing has successfully invited all of us to think and to express something that only modern society dare to speak. Australia had Kirstie Marshall, a Member of Parliament in the Victorian Legislative Assembly in Australia who was ejected from the Lower House chamber for breastfeeding her 12-day-old baby in 2003. That raised lots of argumentation at that time for her action. She did that on purpose because she knew exactly what people think about breastfeeding in public. The next step, after Maya, we probably need one woman like Kirstie Marshall in Indonesian DPR or MPR to do the same thing. If no one dare to do it, let's us ask, 'why'??? Do we feel embarass?? Does breastfeeding in public still feel like 'PORN' for MANY of us??? Mmmmmm..... it's very very possible, is it not??? Anyway Maya, don't be discouraged by some comments here. A good writer is the one who can get the readers to think. You have achieved the purpose here, please keep writing. We need more controversial writers in Indonesia. I will not surprise if one day you become the next Ayu Utami. I love her writing too. You are not a politician, you dont need to write what people wants to hear or read. What you need to do is just write what you think is right.A Mom (not verified), Tangerang — Fri, 10/30/2009 - 7:24pm
Wow.. this is the most shallow journal I've ever seen for like ages about pornography or breastfeeding.. I believe the problem is actually in you Ms. Oey. If I were you, rather than imagining something dirty and stupid like you did to the lady, I would offer the lady a piece of tissue to cover the breast. Or if you really feel uncomfortable seeing a breastfeeding process in public, all you need to do is just close your eyes. That's not so difficult to do right? Bravo to all mothers who won't let their baby suffering from hunger anytime anywhere. I deeply sorry for the babies whose mother cannot make any difference among hungry, exhausted, or tantrum. Another suggestion that I can give to you Ms. Oey, if you feel really really bad on women who 'forced' to show their breast in public for feeding their children, you can write a letter to the government to provide facilities for women and child in public services areas. If the government doesn't listen to you (as they always used to), gather with all women who support breastfeeding to solve the problem. If you ask me to join with you in a mass breastfeeding around Istana Negara or Bunderan HI to ask the government provide this facilities, me and my baby would love to join you Ms. Oey. For Sure!A Mom (not verified), Tangerang — Fri, 10/30/2009 - 7:12pm
Wow.. this is the most shallow journal I've ever seen for like ages about pornography or breastfeeding.. I believe the problem is actually in you Ms. Oey. If I were you, rather than imagining something dirty and stupid like you did to the lady, I would offer the lady a piece of tissue to cover the breast. Or if you really feel uncomfortable seeing a breastfeeding process in public, all you need to do is just close your eyes. That's not so difficult to do right? Bravo to all mothers who won't let their baby suffering from hunger anytime anywhere. I deeply sorry for the babies whose mother cannot make any difference among hungry, exhausted, or tantrum. Another suggestion that I can give to you Ms. Oey, if you feel really really bad on women who 'forced' to show their breast in public for feeding their children, you can write a letter to the government to provide facilities for women and child in public services areas. If the government doesn't listen to you (as they always used to), gather with all women who support breastfeeding to solve the problem. If you ask me to join with you in a mass breastfeeding around Istana Negara or Bunderan HI to ask the government provide this facilities, me and my baby would love to join you Ms. Oey. For Sure!Rika (not verified), Jakarta — Fri, 10/30/2009 - 11:13am
I think what miss Oey said is not wrong at all. Me, as a women also embarrassed if another woman beside me shows theirs breast to the public. but i also agree and support breastfeeding for our child. If we can consider both side interest in this topic. Of course mother should get their priority to breastfeed their child at any place but also they should not bothering other people who can easily watch it. I can say it bothering, because its true.. They can use a cover or blanket to cover their breast, so it wouldn't bothering others. Mother please, don't be selfish. Respect others, also.Carpediem (not verified), Cambodia — Fri, 10/30/2009 - 8:33am
baby "forcing" the mothers opening their shirts? Mothers "revealed their breasts to men" to fulfill the babies needs? these expressions are used either due to the lack of proficiency in English to seek for better words (and I sincerely hope this is the case)or an expression of an underlying sentiment about breastfeeding. In either case I am grateful for this article- which shows me either a) the level of English proficiency amongst the Jakartan educated circle or b) the confusion felt by some of the supposedly educated on the issue of breastfeeding (mothers do not engage in exhebitionism when they breastfeed- they just have to feed their babies- any sane man in the vicinity should look away for God's sake). The conclusion is the same: there need to be more quality public education in Jakarta.nia umar (not verified), jakarta — Thu, 10/29/2009 - 11:43pm
I need to clarify several things: 1. To YM: the previous letter was AIMI's official response to Ms. Oey's article written by AIMI's chairwoman, Mia Sutanto. Not me; 2. To Azhar: what makes you have the right to judge Indonesians as a close-minded people? Don't be rude and prejudice to Indonesians just because of an action taken by a group or several people. I believe Indonesia are full of good people.. Too bad you see it in a different way.Tin tin (not verified), Bogor — Thu, 10/29/2009 - 10:10pm
I think the only porn in here is Maeya Zee mind. Poor the baby whose mother let her strafing. Moms, please be prepare to breastfeeding anytime everywhere, wear an easy open shirt.Flabbergasted (not verified), Kingstown — Thu, 10/29/2009 - 2:22pm
Mayasari, I am again disappointed with you. Yes, you have repeatedly apologised for the use of the word 'porn. Yes, you have shown your support for breastfeeding. Up to here, you have probably addressed about 80% of the criticisms from your readers. And yet you still want to make value judgement on mothers who want to 'bare it all' when breastfedding in public. Why is your suggested way 'wiser'? Does it make one morally superior than mothers who prefer to, or who under whatever ciscumstances could only 'bare it all' if one follows your suggestion? Please do not make value judgement on others. Respect women's rights, babies' rights, respect other people's rights in doing what they think is right for them, their babies, and the society. Indonesia is going through democratisation, it wants to be a freer and more mature society, please do not make us take a step back. Up to here, I haven't even mentioned about your writing on the lady with headscarf. Be very careful when writing for the public. You are very close to what we call hate crime, by making / indicating unsusbtantiated comments on specific religion. I am not even a muslim and I think you aren't too, yes I feel uneasy for my muslim brothers and sisters who are likely to have been misrepresented by your article. You could state your opinions, by all means, but please do not make value judgement and be more careful when writing for the public in the future. All the best.Emaknya Che (not verified), Jakarta — Thu, 10/29/2009 - 1:48pm
Dear Ms Oey, I did a small research to find out about who you are. For me, it is important to know your background in order to understand your capability and interest in this subject. Surprisingly, Ms Oey studied in Indonesia University, Physicology Faculty. Hmmm, there are so many woman's right defenders from this faculty, but apparently you aren't part of them. Let me quote your response: Do you all agree that it is ok to open your cloth/ shirt/ to show ur body in front of strangers in a public place? If yes, that`s your choice, but in my opinion, there must be other wiser way for mothers (such as : wearing a proper shirt, not a baby tshirt, or bringing a little towel to cover the breast), yes baby needs love and care from mother, but baby also need a healthy environment. people might say I'm crazy or insane to talk about this, but I wish I could read every women`s mind or heart, what do they really feel honestly if they were in my position and situation? Ms Oey, I do believe that you know very well the difference between exhibitionist and just a simply breastfeeding mom. am I right? But here you are...now you are trying to seek approval from other people about two different things. I just wonder, instead of analyzing the breastfeed mom, why did not you criticized the men's attitude? Don't you think that your reaction was similar like the conservative people argument? In the name of 'protecting' women, women need to close their body. But you did it in different way, it seems you find a new argument...now, in the name of 'baby's need of healthy environment'. What a beautiful goal.... Darling, you are not insane...you just need to read more books, discuss more and study hard. Please, try to understand woman's right as human right. Keep writing ok....Desiree (not verified), Jakarta — Thu, 10/29/2009 - 11:54am
If it's meant to be satirical, then it failed to get the message across to most readers, which still makes it a failed article... (remember, although the Post is an English language newspaper, it's still an Indonesian newspaper, therefore need to carefully select and edit accordingly, taking into account how the public would perceive what they read in the paper, A good satirical piece should have readers understanding the point AND the irony without having to re-read it) I agree with one comment: maybe those men are just curious (like the lady who wrote the article, who "couldn't ignore the temptation of watching", maybe they're reminded of their own child(ren), maybe they're just moved by the public display of tender affection and motherly love. If she's bothered by the way those men are staring, why didn't she move in between them to block the view, if she's really concerned and "embarrassed" as a woman? IMO, it's impossible that 5-8 perverts should serendipitiously be grouped together in a train and be lucky enough to have been treated to such a "sumptious view". Yes, there are many twisted-minds, but I don't think the statistics are so great as to warrant such coincidence.