Women should be able to say no and reject an unwanted marriage proposal, a gender and culture studies expert says.

“The ability to reject a proposal or the pressure to get married is one of the most empowering decision a woman can make, I think, but in reality a very hard one too,” says University of Indonesia’s Manneke Budiman.

Women should also have the determination to end an unequal relationship, even if it has been going on for a while.

“A woman should be brave enough and risk ‘hurting’ her partner by saying NO in critical moments when an important decision has to be made,” he said, including when she feels pressure from her partner or family to get married.

Manneke adds that if the decision to marry is considered to be the best course of action, the woman still need to be able to say no from time to time.

“No to domestic violence, no to infidelity, no to wife subordination to the husband, no to the man’s desire for polygamy.”

A woman should have the courage to make a long-term commitment in marriage, but also be brave enough to break the commitment if the husband is not willing and not able to give her the same commitment, he said.

“In other words, cut women’s chain of dependency to the husband in the post-wedding period,” he said.

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