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olonel Muammar Qaddafi will be missed. Yes, I know he’s an evil crazed dictator, but let’s face it, aren’t we all at times? Just ask my wife and kids.

The world, by which of course I mean newspaper columnists, desperately need colorful characters like him. For example, who can forget his 2009 state visit to Rome? He sent a bulk order to an escort agency for 500 beautiful women. All had to be at least 1.7 meters tall, and aged 18 to 35. When they were ready, Qaddafi gave them a speech urging them to convert to Islam, and handed each a signed copy of a book he had written. That was it.

What a marvelous way to launch a book. I immediately decided that I would copy the idea for my next book launch, but sadly failed to find a publisher courageous (“insane”) enough.

Qaddafi once went to the United Nations and tabled a motion to abolish Switzerland. It was way more interesting than the other motions, which were all about the international convention on XYZ, etc. But shockingly, no one supported him! Surely we could do without Switzerland? And how about Belgium and Ecuador and all those other places which crowd up the map without really doing anything? If Canada was abolished tomorrow, would anyone notice?

In Asian news, a medical study in Japan claims that dogs’ powerful sense of smell can enable them to detect bowel cancer faster than doctors. Great. I have enough trouble reading my doctor’s handwriting. How am I going to read my dog’s?

Panicky alerts are going out all over the British media after boxes of Nurofen Plus headache tablets were found instead to contain pills which cure psychosis, the mental illness murderers have. So instead of curing thousands of headaches, the pills will stop thousands of murders. How is this bad news? Why don’t we permanently replace all headache tablets with anti-murder pills?

Two young people last week sued their mom for “bad mothering”. Kimberley Garrity failed to put cash in their birthday cards, Steven, 23, and Kathryn, 20, told an Illinois court. A birthday card saying “Have a great day! Love & Hugs, Mom xoxoxo” was shown to Judge Kathy Flanagan by the children, who wanted US$50,000 for trauma. The judge dismissed the case, saying children should not expect too much from their parents. This news item is provided as a service to parents. Why not slip it into your children’s birthday cards?

Exclusive: As sex-mad finance official Dominique Strauss-Kahn was officially released from house detention in New York, I am believably told by a reader tells me he had only one question for his jailers: “Thanks, messieurs. And may I keep the handcuffs?”

Facebook could be worth $200 billion by 2015, enthusiastic financial analysts have calculated. Okay, so farmers who actually grow things that humans can eat are going bankrupt around the world at record rates, but on-screen farms made of pixels are pulling in loads of money, so that’s all right. Is any more proof needed that the world has gone completely crazy?

The writer is a columnist and journalist.