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s an Indonesian that is actively involved in various Australia-based programs '€” not only GoLive Indonesia, a project promoting discussions on various topics, the Indonesia Diaspora Network South Australia but also several agricultural research projects focusing on Indonesia and Indonesian communities '€” seeing any damage to the Indonesia-Australia relationship has always been a personal and disappointing experience for me.

The two countries have so many things to offer, if they can work cooperatively. They are neighbors and in many sectors they are complementary. Yet, predicting the future of the bilateral relationship between Indonesia and Australia is as difficult as predicting the stock market. We can learn the long-run trends but uncertainty remains high.

In the midst of this uneasy situation, being an outsider to the policy-maker group many people including Indonesian students living in Australia ask themselves '€œwhat can, and what should, we do; what do we expect from both governments?'€ I asked myself the same questions recently.

My two Indonesian colleagues, including the president of the Indonesian Student Association (PPIA) in South Australia, and I visited Canberra and co-organized on Nov. 19 the 2013 PhD conference in Indonesia and development studies, collaborating with Indonesia Synergy, a group of Indonesian students and residents, and the Canberra chapter of the PPIA.

The PhD conference was indeed a celebration showcasing research in various fields conducted by some of the best Indonesian research students in Australia. It was easy to feel how the research and education sector has connected Australian and Indonesian researchers. Some Indonesian researchers work in Australia; many Australian researchers supervise Indonesian students; and many other forms of relationships.

I think Indonesia-Australia people- to-people relationships are strong although there is always room for improvement.

Remembering the '€œAustralia in the Asian Century'€ white paper, issued by the Australian government last year, and my discussions with several Indonesian government officials earlier this year, it took me some time to understand the assumption that both governments seem to adopt: Indonesia and Australia'€™s government-to-government (G-to-G) relationships are strong, whilst our people-to-people relationships require massive improvement.

I have always thought it is the other way around. I still do.

Regardless, as argued by B. Kusumohamidjojo in the Australian Outlook journal, in an article written over 30 years ago but still relevant, many problems between Indonesia and Australia are considered to be either the results of unfortunate misunderstandings and misperceptions, or objective differences between their governments and their people.

Today'€™s spying controversy is not a result of misunderstandings and misperceptions. It is misconduct. It is a mistake. When we make a mistake, we ask for an apology.

It is, therefore, hard to see and even harder to believe that the Australian government, particularly the Prime Minister Tony Abbott, refused to say sorry.

I question myself why the G-to-G relationship is not built based on a strong people-to-people relationship. Would the problem be different if people in top positions had personal connections with Indonesia?

We all understand that saying sorry does not necessarily mean a solution to all problems. But at least it is the first step required to demonstrate how we realize our mistake before moving forward.

Being part of the Indonesian community in Australia, I can only hope that governments in both countries, especially the Australian government, will have a greater appreciation of the efforts of Australians and Indonesians to build relationships between the two countries by thinking more sensibly and taking more into consideration the disastrous impact this scandal could have.

As much as we want to believe that this political tension does not affect business, economic or other partnerships, we know it does and will get even worse if the Australian government maintains its attitude.

This is not simply about asking for an apology. It is about admitting a mistake before moving forward. It is what my six-year-old son does: he makes a mistake; he is punished by sitting in the '€œnaughty'€ chair; then he realizes why I ask him to sit there and promises not to repeat the mistake before he can play again.

For Indonesians and Australians, in a period when our G-to-G relationship is weak, the two countries'€™ relationship will be reliant on us, the people. We should continue to build and improve our connections based on mutual benefits and still be optimistic.

The writer is a research fellow at Global Food Studies, University of Adelaide. She calls Bogor and Adelaide home