Boy meets girl and then they fall in love with each other. The whole world seems to be wonderful. Then they get married and things start going downhill from there. From love to hatred. A very familiar story in the daily lives of the average person who is married and unhappy.

A lot of people are still confused as to what causes communication breakdowns between a couple of lovers or a husband and wife, with each partner unable to empathize with the other's perspectives and needs.

Indonesian writer and filmmaker Djenar Maesa Ayu and her Singaporean counterpart Kan Lumé attempt to explore this issue in a new film they have cowritten and codirected called If This is My Story(2018). This is the second film they have codirected after their 2016 feature hUSh, which talks about the psychological repercussions of sexual violence. Djenar and Lumé married in August 2018.

The film revolves around Kay (Cornelio Sunny) and Dee (Sha Ine Febriyanti), a couple that tries to save their marriage, which appears to be on the brink of destruction.

Cornelio and Ine, in this film, give psychologically true-to-life and believable reenactments of how couples fight in real life.

Kay has consulted with a therapist, who tries to help him deal with his bad temperament, which they seem to attribute to his marital problems. Dee, however, refuses to cooperate as she blames Kay for their marital strife.

Both sides of the equation now play a role in turning their relationships worse as the day goes by: Dee, who inherits a big house from her wealthy parents, complains about Kay's inability to earn a lot of money – that is, big enough to satisfy her – from his job as a university lecturer and filmmaker while complaining about him being a parasite who lives in the big house she has inherited from her parents.

Kay, however, begins to act up by provoking Dee's anger through his attempts to control her behavior. The film feels true-to-life as it depicts small things that might seem trivial but can always spark conflicts between couples.

What appears to be a small thing in the beginning will start to build up and send them into irreconcilable fights, with each partner adamant that he or she monopolizes the truth and feels as if the other side does not appreciate them enough.

The film offers food for thought that might give us a jumping off point through which we could also begin to examine our emotional lives and relationship patterns.

Visually, the black-and-white film makes us feel nostalgic for movies that come from an earlier period of time.

The sonically-minimalist film enables viewers to dive into the characters' psyche. The deafening silences that frequently intersperse Kay and Dee's quarrels are also chilling. Anybody who has seen his or her parents fight will sense the tension and dread that fill the silence.

As the film goes on, one will notice that the root cause of their conflict goes beyond bad temperament or lack of appreciation toward one another; that the reason why this couple cannot resolve their problem is because they are both relentless in their desire to have power over the other in the relationship, blocking any chances for them to be vulnerable and have an open dialogue on an equal footing.

The film also addresses how gender socialization, which discourages men from talking about and expressing their emotions openly – while allowing men to experience and express anger as the sole emotion they are entitled to – by examining the damage it has done to Kay, who has become emotionally fragile and violent in the early part of the film. (hdt)

Info box:

If this is my story

Directors and Scriptwriters: Djenar Maesa Ayu and Kan Lumé

Produced by Rumah Karya Sjuman and Black Shirt Productions in association with SA Films and Crossfade Audio Post

Cast: Sha Ine Febriyanti, Cornelio Sunny and Reza Rahadian

The film premiered at the 2018 Jogja-NETPAC Asian Film Festival (JAFF), held from Nov. 27 to Dec. 4 in Yogyakarta.

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