They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Christijanti H Handjojo’s meals definitely won her a lot of affection – not just from her husband, but also from her loved ones and their friends. Cooking was her love language.

“My mother used to run a catering business. When the mayo diet became popular in the early 90s, she started preparing that type of food for her customers. She could cook practically anything. And I’m talking about real food here. You name it, she cooked it,” said Rossy Kusumawati, 36, Christijanti’s daughter.

Christijanti was born on Apr. 21, 1946, in Surabaya, East Java. From Chinese food to Dutch cuisine, Christijanti’s talent in the kitchen was unquestionable. Her easy-going nature and her kind heart were among the many qualities that she had as a mother.

Sadly for Rossy and the rest of her family, the years of Christijanti’s cooking and the laughter they often shared has come to an end.

Christijanti died of COVID-19 on June 29, at the age of 75. She is survived by Rossy, who lived with her and also had the virus at the time of her death, her son, Adhi Wibawa Seputra, 49, as well as her daughter-in-law, Sufima, 44, and two grandsons Chrisgift, 16, and Immanuel Savior Seputra, 7.

Christijanti’s husband, Haijanto Ongkowidagdo, died in December 2016. He was 76.

To say that Rossy, who witnessed her mother draw her last breath in front of her, was traumatized would be an understatement. They had been self-quarantining at home, and like increasing number of Indonesians, Christijanti died at home. 

Rossy could not accompany her family while they took Christijanti’s body out of the house, as she still had COVID-19 and needed to continue her self-isolation.

“I’m going to miss her food. Her lively spirit was definitely something else,” said Rossy, adding that she particularly cherished Christijanti’s ayam bakar serepeh (grilled chicken cooked with coconut milk), a traditional dish from Rembang, Central Java.

Everyone is worth remembering

Adhi, Rossy’s elder brother, who took care of the cremation, said that he could not be thankful enough for having Christijanti as his mother and that she had shaped him as a person.

“I cannot pick just one memory of her. Every single moment is beautiful and memorable,” he said, adding that his favorite of his mom’s dishes was a homemade version of babi isi dibulu (pork cooked in bamboo), a Manado dish.

When The Jakarta Post contacted Rossy and asked her to share her thoughts about her mother, she was hesitant.

“My mom was not a doctor or a teacher,” she said.

Rossy later changed her mind. She did not want Christijanti to be remembered as another COVID-19 statistic.

Open heart, open mind

One of the qualities that Rossy said she would always be grateful for was her mother’s willingness to be open-minded, even in her old age. As an elderly Chinese Indonesian woman who was raised in a conservative family, Christijanti was accepting of all of Rossy’s friends, who came from various backgrounds.

Rossy recalled that Christijanti once saw a picture of her on Instagram hugging a friend who was HIV positive.

At first, Christijanti was worried. Like many Indonesians, Christijanti thought HIV could be spread easily, and she expressed her concerns to Rossy – fearing that her daughter might be infected from the hugging.

“However, when I told her more information about HIV and how it is definitely okay to have friends who have this virus and hug them, she was willing to listen and ended up changing her views on the issue,” said Rossy.

Christijanti’s open-mindedness could also be seen on other topics – such as LGBT issues.

Rossy is a big fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race, a United States reality show where drag queens compete with each other to be crowned the next drag superstar and win $100,000. She would watch it religiously – even when her mom showed disapproval at first.

“She didn’t get [the show] at first,” Rossy recalled, adding that she would watch it on her own while her mom was in the same room watching other shows.

However, little by little, Rossy noticed that Christijanti quietly began following the show. At one point, she made a comment about one of the competitors, much to Rossy’s delight.

“Her favorite queen was Kandy Muse, who competed on season 13 of Drag Race,” said Rossy with a smile.

Indeed, some of Rossy’s friends are members of the LGBT community, and not once did Christijanti show disapproval or judgment toward them.

Trea, 35, one of Rossy’s friends, said that Christijanti was very loving toward her and her partner, Susan, 49. Both Trea and Susan asked to be referred to by their first names only in order to protect their privacy.

Trea and Susan never once felt judged by Christijanti even though they are in a same-sex relationship, something that is often frowned upon in Indonesia.

“She never judged us. Instead, she was always happy to cook for both of us whenever we visited her. She would also send us food sometimes. I loved her like my own mom,” said Trea, adding that she would miss Christijanti’s cukiok babi kecap (pork leg cooked in sweet soy sauce) and erwtensoep (Dutch split pea soup).

With her knack for cooking and her wittiness, Christijanti became the darling of Rossy’s circle of friends.

“She was very easygoing and we loved to hang out with her, from dining out to watching horror movies at the cinema. Out of all of the parents in our circle, Rossy’s mom was the only one that we could hang out with because she was hilarious and cool,” said Trea.

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