Many other women have similar experiences. Some have to resign from their jobs once they marry, or fall pregnant, or have their first baby; others might wait a few years. But they all face the same situation: they have to leave their jobs to take care of their children and husbands.

This is not surprising. In Indonesia and many parts of the world, men are considered the breadwinners and women the caregivers and housewives, an idea confirmed in the 1974 Marriage Law.

Many women from low-income families, both in rural and urban areas, usually work because their husbands cannot make both ends meet. But they also still have to nurture the children and do the domestic chores, including cooking, doing the laundry and cleaning the house.

Husbands who make enough money might not allow their wives to work outside the home, dashing the women’s opportunity to apply and share their knowledge in the working realm.

“Homemaker is actually the title every husband wants to give his wife,” said Dony, as he commented on the issue brought up in a friend’s blog.

He said he could not understand why women insist on working despite their husbands’ financial ability.

“As a husband, I have no choice but give my wife the chance to pursue a career, but there is indeed a time limit. One day she will be happy with the title of housewife,” he said.      

Being a housewife is supposedly a choice, not a destiny.

 Unfortunately, gender bias and prejudice against women can limit their opportunity to develop themselves personally and professionally.

When it comes to the struggle for gender equality, the first name that comes to mind is R.A. Kartini (April 21, 1879-Sept. 17, 1904), the heroine of emancipation who opened the door for Indonesian women to pursue a high education.

A century has passed. A lot of progress has been made. Indonesia’s fifth president was a woman. More women are active in politics, albeit their number is still small compared to their male counterparts. Women can also enjoy a good education and hold important positions at both private and public companies.

But discrimination still prevails. For example, in education, the priority to go to school is given to the son rather than the daughter if the family faces financial constraints.

The male-dominated society can force working women to abandon their careers. Haunted by feelings of guilt, working women might also voluntarily become full-time homemakers.

“Arini”, who worked for an advertising company for 13 years, decided to quit at the peak of her career so that she could pay more attention to her children.

“I resigned two years ago … I was sorry … Why didn’t I quit sooner? I took pity on my kids, who had been neglected by their mother...,” she said, revealing her feelings of guilt.

Under her care and supervision, the kids became more disciplined in having their meals and it was easier for her to instruct them (about the dos and don’ts).

“They have gained weight and like eating vegetables,” she added.  

Her presence at home has apparently boosted the family’s quality of life. Like Arini, many other working mothers who switch to become full-time mothers say that they are happy with their choice.

Being full-time homemakers does not necessarily mean that these women live lives of leisure. They may have to work longer than normal office hours, even 24 hours a day.

They also acknowledge that people sometimes feel sorry about their decision.

“Many feel sorry, why after spending a lot of money to get my bachelor’s degree I end up being a housewife. I don’t care about what they say because I just want to keep and protect my child. Thank God my husband supports my decision,” said a mother of a 10-month-old toddler.

Whatever the choice a woman makes, the husband’s support is needed. It is very likely that he will happily accept her decision to become a housewife.

What if she prefers to work outside the home? It will be unfair if the husband objects without good cause. He might have a good income that puts food on the table, but money is not the only reason for women to work outside the home.

A survey shows that working moms feel that they use their knowledge, their skills, their talents and abilities in a more useful capacity than full-time moms. They have more self-esteem and self-confidence due to the intellectual stimulation, problem-solving and handling challenges at work.

Working moms apparently spend less time on their children, but this should not hamper a child’s growth and development. Spending quality time with the kids will improve their quality of life. On the other hand, men also need to have parenting skills — and should be willing to share the domestic chores as required.

No matter what path a woman takes, becoming a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, indeed she plays a significant role in improving the quality of life not only of the family, but also the nation. This is particularly true taking into account that they account for about half of the population, with their number reaching more than 106 million, as revealed in the 2005 national census.

Working hand-in-hand with men, women not only can raise their children better but they can also contribute more to society and play a greater role in their participation in development.

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