Even amid the uncertainties of the COVID-19 pandemic, you can still continue looking for love and dating through virtual platforms.

To cater to single people under home quarantine ready to find love again, dating app Tinder has just launched an in-app video feature for users in Indonesia. The video feature has also been available for users in various countries including Australia, Brazil, France, Italy, Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, the United States and Vietnam.

Tinder also has a caveat, mind you. Several reports by The Jakarta Post cautioned users against sexual harassment and financial scamming.

If dating apps are not your thing, the clinical director of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles Alexandra Katehakis advised in one of her YouTube videos for you to “tell the world”: your friends, family members, colleagues, business associates, even your hairdresser – that you are currently looking for love. Then, upon finding that person, you can just enjoy dating online with them using video and phone calls.

Katehakis said online dating during the pandemic could help new couples to grow their love slowly instead of jumping straight into sex, which could often be the case when people did not need to observe physical distancing. You can also take more time to get to know yourself better and get to know your date along the way, according to Katehakis.

“Write down what you are looking for in a partner in terms of educational level, spiritual beliefs, lifestyles and appearance. Once you begin dating each other online, pay attention to what they say. What they like and what they don’t like,” she told The Jakarta Post.

Katehakis advised, in order to prevent being manipulated and exploited by people you had just met, avoid talking about things that were too personal and confidential in the beginning of your date: “talk about pop culture or politics instead”.

In addition to that, American dating coach Lisa Shield – who met her husband online after going on 96 first dates – advised people not to rush love relationships and be patient with the process.

In one of her YouTube videos she advises you to be willing to interview a lot of people on your initial dating phase, opening yourself to possibilities, before eventually finding your true match.

Managing your expectations is key to save yourself disappointments from failed online courtships, according to Tia (not her real name), a 31-year-old professional living in South Jakarta, who met her fiancé on Tinder and will marry him in October 2020.

“When I started using Tinder in 2016, I didn’t expect to find a boyfriend, let alone a husband, there. I joined the app just to find a friend to talk to,” Tia said.

In February 2017, she eventually found her match, whom she started texting and calling. “This man knows how to balance between talking and listening, we have some common interests but also have lives of our own, which makes for highly interesting conversations,” Tia said.

After having online conversations for five months, Tia eventually decided that it was safe to meet the man offline. From there, they began a relationship which turned out to last.

To have a healthy relationship like Tia, it is important for you to pay attention to the red flags during your initial dates.

“For instance, do they have friends and family – a community around them that they’re accountable to? If they don’t have friends, maybe they have avoidant personalities and they can be jealous, possessive of their partners, even leading to violence,” Katehakis warned.

Also, check whether they really walk the talk: “If they say they will call at certain hours and they don’t follow through, if they make excuses, these might be signs they’re already married or in a relationship and are just playing around,” Shield told the Post.

Last but not least, to avoid being lured into a co-dependent relationship, grow your self-confidence by practicing self-care and self-development activities: “if you don’t have anything else going on in your life, you’re going to be boring, so you have to read books, engage in various social activities so you will have something to share with your date”.

Katehakis advised you to list the positive things you had to offer a prospective partner, and look at it to boost your self-confidence.

Now, we get into the trickiest question: what if you have formed some great connection with someone online and all of a sudden, that man or woman leaves you? Shield said physical exercise and mindfulness meditation could help you overcome the disappointment, along with a dual-hand writing therapy.

“Write with one hand your fears that you’re not going to meet somebody and that you’re lonely. Then you switch hands and write yourself soothing messages with the other hand,” Shield advised.

Also, never fear that you are way too old to find love. “People live longer these days; I’ve seen people getting married in their 40s and 50s and they’re still going to live for another 20 years. I think people should wait until their 30s to get married because in our 30s we’ll have a stronger sense of self” Katehakis said. Shield herself met her husband when she was in her 40s.

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