The way public figures talk about domestic violence can lead to a normalization of it.

The power of fame and the public eye remains instrumental in shaping or enforcing societal views. Some public figures can be educational in the ideas they put out, while some may provide questionable perspectives that may lead to harmful or regressive ideas.

Last month, celebrity YouTuber Baim Wong and his wife Paula Verhoeven made a supposed “prank” video in which the latter filed a fake domestic violence complaint to the police, all the while a hidden camera taped her and an officer’s encounter. The video was uploaded while a very-recent domestic abuse case involving another celebrity couple, Lesti Koejora and Rizky Billar was making internet headlines. 

After criticism of the prank video made the rounds online, Baim issued a public apology, claiming that he “had no intention to mock or degrade the police institution”. 

“What I wanted was the contrary. I wanted to know their reactions when it's a public figure like Paula who is reporting it," Baim said to Detik not long after the incident. 

Activists and domestic violence survivors have a different view, seeing it as making light of the issue and even showcasing how safe perpetrators are from actual consequences. 

Niken Mahendra, 52, a domestic violence survivor, and activist at NGO Yayasan Neema considers it damaging when public figures either fail to take domestic abuse seriously, or prove that even their celebrity status does not result in justice being served. 

“If we have public figures [withdrawing reports of domestic violence], the general public will feel that there will be no deterrent effect to domestic violence. It may even promote domestic violence itself,” she says. 

Without mentioning her by name, National Commission on Violence Against Women (KOMNAS Perempuan) commissioner Alimatul Qibtiyah pointed to the actions of another public figure, the dangdut singer Inul Darastita, who jumped in the domestic violence debacle and in an Instagram Live appearance made a passing comment about the normalcy of newlyweds to tabok-tabokkan (slap each other) as couples get to know each other. (She later followed it with another live video on social media, apologizing and clarifying that she was referring to playful slapping).

Alimatul said, “Of course, during the first five years of marriage, at least individuals need to familiarize themselves with each other. However, we shouldn’t normalize tabok-tabokkan in that process.” 

Alimatul further added that normalizing domestic violence would only worsen the situation. In 2020, Komnas Perempuan reported 11,105 domestic violence cases, where 59 percent of the victims were wives. 

“Definitely, KOMNAS Perempuan supports the police to continue the process,” Alimatul stressed. She added that according to Police Regulation No. 8 of 2021, restorative justice does not explicitly handle abuse or domestic violence cases. 

Cultural and religious paradigm 

Non-celebrity public figures such as religious or community leaders of various statutes also play a big part in steering ideas related to domestic violence.

According to Alimatul, Indonesian women pay a great price under the countries’ dominant patriarchal and religious beliefs, such as being silenced and withdrawing domestic violence reports because they do not want to be deemed as disobedient wives.  In many cases, domestic violence has a repetitive cycle; in situations without violence, slight tension grows through disagreement, violence and reconciliation. 

She speaks of how careful and thoughtful religious speakers need to be when speaking about domestic violence. 

“When you live in a country where almost 90 percent of the population has strong beliefs with their religions [any religion] and when the sermon delivered does not seem to support the abuse victim, that lack of support will hinder them from speaking up because they do not want to be disobedient,” Alimatul said. 

Alimatul, who graduated from Dakwah (Islamic preaching) in Institute Agama Islam Negeri said that the culture of teaching daughters to be less opinionated often prevented women from having their voice while growing up. 

Merry Kolimon, 50, a pastor within the congregation in Bijeli, East Mollo Presbytery, South Central Timor, shares a similar point of view.

“It’s important to [be able to] speak up when domestic violence happens. First, the victim should be able to consult with their respective pastors, however if [the abuse] doesn't stop, we encourage them to report the domestic violence to the police,” Merry said. 

The 51-year-old scholar also added that in high-profile cases, abusive individuals who happen to be public figures were often given a chance to explain themselves, which often led to justifications of their actions. This gives the idea that there are impunities for abusive individuals of certain backgrounds or privilege.

Niken from Yayasan Neema added that if there was no impunity against domestic violence perpetrators, abusers may have less fear in continuing their action, while victims end up feeling dissuaded from even trying to speak up about it. Niken herself was a victim of domestic abuse for 24 years, and in 2004, she chose to speak out. 

“Trust me, once it happens, it will take some time for the domestic violence victim to realize that the situation won’t change, and I won’t let others have the same experience,” Niken said.

The mother of five says that opening up about her abusive husband and quitting her marriage should not be something she was shamed for. 

Public victims

Niken hopes that public figures who happen to be victims of domestic abuse themselves will be more open about their experience and provide testimonials about the importance of defending their rights as victims.

“Considering that public figures play a major role in society, it would be very much appreciated if one of them voluntarily educated people about domestic abuse,” Niken said. 

Health experts and family therapists are also public figures who play a role in educating people about issues related to domestic relationships, and what can be considered healthy and not. 

Luluk Farida Muchtar, a female Muslim cleric, said if any preaching emphasized that women should have kept their domestic violence experience to themselves, it was entirely inexcusable.

The 47-year-old also added that it was essential for clerics to have more empathy. 

“I think [female] clerics should also open their minds and look at the bigger picture, that in reality, there are women who might be not as lucky as her, or vice versa. Nothing should stop [victims] from speaking up about the domestic violence they suffered,” Luluk continued. 

If you or someone you know suffer from domestic violence, contact the Women’s Empowerment and Child Protection Ministry at 021-129 or drop a message through WhatsApp at 08111-129-129.

Popular

Indonesian Muslim groups rally behind Iran amid escalating war

Details on gasoline, diesel rationing remain elusive

Witnesses, activists in Andrie case subject to threats