‘What I’ve Learned’ is a column that presents candid interviews with policymakers, artists, activists and businesspeople on facing challenges and making a difference.

Every activist and non-governmental organization (NGO) dreams of having someone like Kristin Soeryadjaya in their corner. Part motivator, part mentor, Kristin has turned her vast experience as a board member for a number of NGOs across the planet into a keen sense of what’s needed to take an organization to the next level.

More importantly, Kristin doesn’t pretend to have all the answers. She also doesn’t resent a challenge or simply go through the motions. She celebrates the small wins, with an eye on developing and maintaining momentum.

Today she talks about how she built a tradition of volunteering within her family, what it takes to be the kind of board member who takes an organization to the next level and why “just showing up” might be the best way to instill empathy and a sense of community in your own children.

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I used to have grand ideas of changing the world, but through baby steps forward and then major setbacks and repeating this process, you realize that you need to focus on one or two areas that you feel passionate about so you do not burn out and be efficient with your skillset.

As a board member, you are the organization’s spokesperson, advocate and biggest supporter.  If you can’t be a cheerleader for that cause, then don’t bother taking the position.

We can only build awareness, connect people, maybe raise some funds to help programs last longer and show up. You need to keep showing up in order to prove commitment, earn trust and be effective in helping to find solutions.

I’ve learned to always stay humble and to try and refrain from having a savior mentality, where you think you can rescue people or communities.

As individuals we can only do so much, but small nudges can trigger larger changes, so we can't stop trying to move the needle.

Michelle Obama wrote in her book, The Light We Carry, that “When we allow ourselves to celebrate tiny victories as important and meaningful, we start to understand the incremental nature of change […] We can steer ourselves by degrees toward greater action and impact, sometimes just by trying one new thing, completing one seemingly insignificant task.” She also goes on to write about wanting to make a difference in the world and advising to break down any “gigantic, all-or-nothing goals” into their component parts. This way, you are less likely to get overwhelmed or exhausted or crash into feelings of futility.

We can’t get caught in the “hugeness” of a problem and “stall out” before you even begin. This is really important to remember when you’re in development work.

Our family’s volunteerism and community service are built on tradition. I started volunteering as a teenager in Hawaii, the United States. Because of my parents and the culture of my school, I had already been exposed to a lot of community service by the time I was 16. But in all honesty, I had no idea how that was shaping my future self.

We’ve done trash pick-ups, countless visits to learning centers for refugee students in Cisarua, West Java, activities around fighting stunting even as far as Komodo and Rinca, East Nusa Tenggara, created mural paintings and activities at our adopted preschools, sports days, all of which are not too far out of the realm of connecting for my kids. The common themes in everything I involve my children in are education and youth because it’s natural and easy to find commonality.

Anyone with school age children knows you can’t force your kids to be interested or passionate about anything that doesn’t relate or resonate with them in some way.

Empathy is built on understanding, relating and being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Hopefully, these small exposures will add up to a greater sense of caring, helping, gratefulness and wanting to make a difference in this world.

I’ve tried to expose my children (ages 12, 9 and 7) to various causes that they can relate to over the last 11 years starting with my daughter’s 1st birthday, which we celebrated with Yayasan Kampung Kids in South Jakarta.

Some people are very effective in the field, and that’s where they are meant to be to make change. But the truth is that all organizations need a strong backing, passionate board members, to make any progress and to keep fighting. All leaders need diverse expertise, viewpoints and connections to help guide their decisions as they grow and progress. Wise leaders will surround themselves with a board who are even smarter than they are. So, you do need both types of people!

In the nonprofit world, board positions are voluntary and members should be deliberately chosen so you get a variety of expertise, connections and backgrounds to assist the organization as a whole. If you’re approached to join a board, think about whether you have the time and a skillset that compliments the rest of the members and whether you agree wholeheartedly with the organization’s mission, vision and their values.

And don't bother accepting the position if you consider yourself a “volunteer” because it’s just as serious a role as your paying job.

Some of my friends have high school age kids and I always tell them to find something they are passionate about because it’s a lot easier to motivate kids and inspire them to want to make a difference when they’re interested or can relate to the cause.

When I see a 16-year-old’s eyes light up as we discuss service projects and we’ve hit a sweet spot, I know that I’ve sparked something and I leave the rest up to them.

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