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Mask up, spray down and no touching: Dating in the COVID age
As the pandemic forces us to be weary of physical closeness, the dating world undergoes a foundational shift.
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Safety measures: Many are finding the prospect of romance even more difficult during the pandemic but some are determined to go for it for the sake of their mental well-being. (Pexels/Courtesy of Pexels/cottonbro)
“It was our first date, and I felt like a member of the COVID-19 task force talking to my date.”
Kevin (not his real name) is recounting the first date he had since the pandemic broke. “Have you ever been tested for COVID? Will you wear a mask? Did you bring hand sanitizer? It was pretty awkward, really, but I am glad my partner agreed to that,” Kevin told The Jakarta Post, recalling the questions he and his date asked each other as they went on their first date.
To date or not to date
The pandemic has given birth to a new way of dating. For almost a year, many aspiring daters were unable to socialize face-to-face. As the restrictions became more flexible, many were eager to find someone to share the pandemic - or at least have a short few hours - with.
On the other end of the spectrum, Meri (also a pseudonym), a 23-year-old medical student, wants to keep following strict health protocols and has not seen her boyfriend since the pandemic began.
“I feel that it is safer that way, and my boyfriend’s parents are very strict about health protocols in general [not only COVID] anyway,” she said.
Indeed, dating can be considered as the very activity that violates almost all of COVID-19 health protocols: we meet new people outside our social circle; and we’re likely to take our masks off to converse, eat, or to be intimate. The whole idea of dating is about getting close to someone, a complete contrast to how we should be living our lives, according to health experts.
Dr. Pandu Riono, an epidemiologist from the University of Indonesia (UI) told the Post, “It would be better for everyone to have at least a rapid antigen swab test before going on dates.”
Longing for physical connection
Kevin said he kept going on dates because he felt his “love language” changing.
“I used to like it when a partner gave me words of affirmation or presents. But, during the pandemic, all I’ve gotten are affirmations through chats and calls, or presents sent through online delivery,” he explained. For this reason, he was willing to adhere to the recommended precautionary measures to ensure safe in-person dating. According to Dian Wisnuwardhani, a relationship expert and lecturer of psychology at UI, physical touch and giving gifts was one of the easiest ways to show affection.
“During this pandemic, however, people are forced to change their relationship behavior. Something as simple as holding hands, is now probably not the wisest thing to do, due to the health protocols,” she explained to the Post. “So, I think more people will try to get to know their partners first, before eventually asking for a physical connection.”
After meeting in-person frequently, Kevin and his partner did experience what he called a “COVID-scare”.
“First, one of my family members was suspected of being infected with COVID-19. So both of us tested for COVID-19, which turned out to be negative,” Kevin recalled his first COVID-scare. “A few weeks later, my partner’s sister-in-law tested positive, my partner did not, but as a precautionary measure, we chose to isolate ourselves and not meet each other for two weeks, as per the protocol.”
Meri, on the other hand, has never experienced a COVID-scare. A move that also comes at a price.
“It feels like[my boyfriend and I] have a long-distance relationship, even though we live in the same city. We text and call, voice and video chat every day, but the very moment I put down my phone, I feel empty. It feels like he’s not there anymore,” Meri said.
Increased loneliness
A study done by the European Psychiatric Association showed that while quarantining, self-isolation and social distancing do help to contain the pandemic, it does have a huge impact on mental health, especially due to increased loneliness. Hence, it is advised that people break the isolation by still communicating with others through safe measures, including distanced communication.
“We have seen an increase of people that feel lonely, depressed and suicidal during this pandemic, both nationally and internationally. Humans are social beings, after all,” Dian said, explaining why maintaining social interactions, including going on dates, is important. “But just remember to strictly follow the health protocols.”
In a way, it seems like dating is one’s method to survive in this pandemic. Not to survive from the virus but rather to ensure their sanity and mental health. The matter of COVID-19 infection, scare or risk will be decided later on by one’s obedience to the health protocols.
Dian agreed that being physically intimate with your partner will obviously make you happy. But, she also told the Post that romance in a relationship is not only defined by physical touch.
“There are still other things that can spark our relationship during this pandemic,” Dian said.
For Kevin, however, the sacrifice of acting like a member of the COVID-19 task force on a date seemed to have paid out well. Of his relationship with his date, he announced, “We have been together ever since!”
