One of them is Talitha (all names have been changed to protect privacy), a 38-year-old English teacher in Jakarta. In 2017, when she was heartbroken, tremendously stressed at work and feeling lonely in her boarding house, she met a man through a Facebook poetry community.

She said the man was highly charming and very handsome. She felt a sense of affinity with the man since they both were writing poetry about their heartbreak.

“He complimented me, asking how a woman as beautiful as myself was still single,” Talitha told The Jakarta Post.

Little did Talitha realize that the man was merely playing victim and faking his heartbreak to gain sympathy from her. Furthermore, all the praises the man sang her in the beginning of their courtship only sought to manipulate her to turn her into convenient prey.

“If someone is too nice, too complimenting, excessively charming and looks perfect – these are red flags. You usually have a feeling in your gut saying something doesn’t feel right [about the man], yet you can’t really pinpoint it,” said Candice Christiansen, founder and clinical director of the United States-based Namasté Center for Healing.

“However, people who have low self-esteem, have recently gone through breakups, have had a history of abusive relationships and/or are depressed, tend to question that gut response, which says ‘ick’ about their online date. Those who seek social media validation could also be more vulnerable [to sexual predators],” Christiansen, author of the 2016 book Mastering the Trauma Wound: A Mindful Approach to Healing Trauma and Creating Healthier Relationships, told the Post in a Zoom interview.

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